This Discussion Board is for men who
find it difficult or impossible to urinate in a public or social situation. Women should use the women's Board.
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U.K. Paruresis Trust. Registered Charity no: 1109541.
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This is my first post on here so i'll run through my story briefly.
I've had problems peeing in public since my teenage years but am not really sure what event brought it on. I guess i've just lived with it for years like many on here, thinking that it was something that just affected me. I used to drink in pubs quite a lot and found that I was generally OK in cubicals or even urinals if it was quiet but the problem was always there. I found out about the condition via the internet (this site and the international site) a few years ago and I must admit that when I found out it was a huge relief to find that I was not alone!
I've been working from home for a while now though so the times where it's affected me have been separate isolated incidents. I guess that has led me to put off dealing with it, but i'm now in my mid 30's and I really need to overcome my condition. I was out the other night in a pub and found that I couldn't even go in a cubicle in a pub toilet due to noises outside and things seem to be getting worse if anything. I suppose this is down to me having to address the issue less and less working from home, but i'm starting a new job soon so that 'safety' will end then!
Anyway, i've sent off my form to enrol on the next beginners workshop and am determined to reclaim my life from this condition. Thanks to all who have posted their stories and experiences on here, it really does help reading that you're not alone with this.
Re: My story
Posted by mikew on 10/8/2008, 10:22 pm, in reply to "My story"
welcome to the site Graham - think you're doing the right thing in enrolling on a workshop, its worth reading up the info. on the website as well if you haven't already. I went on one a workshop year and half ago, and an intermediate one earlier this year, and am much better now than I was before. Still got a way to go, but it no longer dominates my life, I just have to keep putting in the time and effort to desense and keep improving..
Good luck
Mike
Re: My story
Posted by Graham on 10/8/2008, 10:39 pm, in reply to "Re: My story"
Thanks for the response Mike. I've had a read over the website (about CBT etc.) and it all seems like very good information. I guess it's just putting it all into action and i'm hoping that the course will kickstart that for me.
My wife has said that she will help me desense as well as (as crazy as it sounds) I even struggle to go when she's in the room!
It's great to hear that you're improving as a result of the courses and your hard work and hopefully I will get similar success. Just to get it going back in the right direction so I feel things improving will be great!
Good luck with your continued improvement as well.
Graham
Re: My story
Posted by mikew on 12/8/2008, 10:33 pm, in reply to "Re: My story"
Hi Graham - that's great if you get get your wife to help. don't worry about it sounding crazy, the great thing about the workshop is hearing other peoples stories and realising you're not alone. I was lucky enough to get a friend help me which was really good, especially in demonstrating to me how effective densensing could be in gradually chipping away at the problem.
Sounds like you've got the right approach and I'm sure you'll start making some good progress.
Mike
Re: My story
Posted by Graham on 22/11/2012, 8:10 pm, in reply to "Re: My story"
A bit of an update really.
Firstly I can't believe that I first posted this over 4 years ago now! Where does the time go. I went on the beginners course as planned and found it useful. Unfortunately whilst I made some effort initially, life did get in the way and it tailed off. I had another child in 2009 and was made redundant from my job in 2011, so other things have made it hard to focus. I know that they are excuses in some respects though.
After being made redundant last year, I got a job working from home (which is good in many respects, but it's bad in facing this problem) and things have probably gone backward since. I am also required to give group presentations in my current job which is another phobia of mine so I guess I'm not in a very good place now. I had a course with work over the last couple of days and really struggled with that today where I tried to go several times in a cubicle and failed. I managed to try again making my excuse to leave during a group exercise we were doing and because the risk of someone coming in was reduced, I managed to go. I was in agony and sweating by then though.
I kind of know what I have to do, but it's just being able to do it. Having two kids and a very busy job leaves me little time to consider a structured desense as I don't have the time to do what I need to do as it is. Further to this I have the work Christmas do (which is at a rowdy beer swilling place) and also my first big group presentation coming up and am dreading both.
Sorry for rambling, I just felt that I needed to post how I was feeling. I'd love to be able to come on here with a really positive story some day, but sadly that seems like a million miles away at the moment.
Graham
Re: My story
Posted by Gary on 1/12/2012, 7:27 pm, in reply to "Re: My story"
Knowing the grief and agony of this cursed condition my whole life in the usa my greatest prayers and best wishes go out to you Graham in whatever good it's worth!!!!
Re: My story
Posted by Graham on 5/12/2012, 9:23 am, in reply to "Re: My story"
Thank you Gary that does mean a lot. The night out is tomorrow evening and I'm already going through the whole "shall I fake illness" scenarios and ways in which I can leave early etc. I guess the thing which keeps me going is that I've always found a way through in the past and one philosophy I've always tried to stick to is to not let it stop me doing things and enjoying myself if possible.
As with you, my thoughts and prayers go out to all inflicted with this condition and if I had just one wish it would not be for millions of pounds/dollars, it would be to wave a wand and remove this condition from all who suffer from it.