U.K. PARURESIS TRUST

UK paruresis trust

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Office debate re. male habits...

Posted by SC on 11/4/2008, 5:39 pm

It is a couple of years since I've posted on here, not because I'm cured but because I've got used to just doing what I have to do. Luckily at work there are many stalls which I get away with, and I don't care who sees me.

That was until today, when a debate broke out regarding male toilet habits! A rather opinionated chap argued that any bloke who uses the stalls has issues about people seeing his equipment. It wasn't aimed at me, just a general discussion, but I was quietly fuming, because obviously I know different! It wasn't exactly a counter argument I could raise in front of everyone, but I know now that at least one person actively notices people's habits!

Re: Office debate re. male habits...

Posted by mikew on 11/4/2008, 6:12 pm, in reply to "Office debate re. male habits..."

There might be one person who notices, but I bet there's others who choose to use the cubicles to if there's a urinal in use. I'm not sure what I'd have done in your situation, probably just kept quiet, but I aspire to being able to just say "yeah I use cubicles because I find I can't go if I'm stood next to someone at a urinal" - not as a big revelation, but just in a matter of fact way.

I know from telling a few friends about the condition that some can sort of understand and perhaps would 'lock up' in extreme situations themselves, but some genuinely find it as hard to imagine not being able to pee as not being able to breathe - so I can understand their lack of understanding if no one has ever explained it to them if you know what I mean.

Anyway hope you don't let it bother you - for each ignorant opinionated bloke there's loads of people who don't care/notice and would be sympathetic if they knew you had a problem.

Re: Office debate re. male habits...

Posted by Andrew on 11/4/2008, 8:18 pm, in reply to "Re: Office debate re. male habits..."

Hi

Or "Yeah I use cubicles because I prefer them". "Why do you prefer them?". "Just do". There is no need to explain or justify.

One guy I know said "I use cubicles cos I dont want to make you jealous". It shut the other bloke up dead.

Andrew

Re: Office debate re. male habits...

Posted by SC on 12/4/2008, 6:47 pm, in reply to "Re: Office debate re. male habits..."

Obviously I also notice other people's habits, and have noticed many others at work doing what I do. The conversation was not aimed at me, but if I was questioned I'd probably say something along the lines of your replies! If anything, it has brought me back to this website and made me think "Why not bloody sort it out?!" I would seriously consider attending one of the events and will be looking out for the next one in the North.

Re: Office debate re. male habits...

Posted by Colin on 18/4/2008, 7:48 pm, in reply to "Re: Office debate re. male habits..."

Hi SC
Re the workshop. I recommend it. You sound ready now. Determined to work at this AP problem and get it sorted. Ask Andrew when the next one is in the North, so he can reserve you a place. Good luck. Colin

Re: Office debate re. male habits...

Posted by patrick on 14/4/2008, 11:45 am, in reply to "Re: Office debate re. male habits..."

I find that often the fear of someone, (esp someone known to you) asking the question why you used a cubicle when there were urinals free can increase the anxiety, so if i am comfortable with ready made excuses then this reduces the anxiety and i relax; so i try to think of an appropriate one at the time, just in case...but having a range of stock answers must help as well...such as, 'if you read the article, i read this morning about splash back from urinals you would never use one again either' ..anything like that that might help justify why you have entered or exited from a cubicle....often the need to use public toilets arises when doing sport..and ones clothing can also be a useful excuse...e.g having to pull down track suits, or cycling shorts to actually reach the little fella is a damn good reason why you would rather use a cubicle

Re: Office debate re. male habits...

Posted by AndyM on 11/4/2008, 11:01 pm, in reply to "Office debate re. male habits..."

"I use cubicles because it makes it harder for you to peek, Nancy."

Re: Office debate re. male habits...

Posted by steve on 21/6/2008, 2:42 pm, in reply to "Re: Office debate re. male habits..."

I don't think a borderline homophobic response is very educational to be honest. Especially not for any actual gay men to use - I have read that people don't think gay guys can be affected with paruresis, as they'd love urinals, getting to see other men's dicks.

Re: Office debate re. male habits...

Posted by AndyM on 23/6/2008, 4:27 pm, in reply to "Re: Office debate re. male habits..."

It wasn’t meant to be educational; it was meant to stifle an office-nazi. But in terms of education, you need to change authors in a hurry. Paruresis affects men and women, regardless of whether or not they have a fondness for dicks.

Re: Office debate re. male habits...

Posted by Andrew on 23/6/2008, 8:43 pm, in reply to "Re: Office debate re. male habits..."

This thread is getting to be personal, and unhelpfully off-topic. Please desist.

For the record, paruresis does affect people irrespective of gender or sexual orientation. As gay men have told us: "I just want to go in and manage to pee, that's all".

Andrew
Moderator

Re: Office debate re. male habits...

Posted by steve on 14/9/2008, 9:15 pm, in reply to "Re: Office debate re. male habits..."

Exactly, as an actual gay sufferer, for me to call someone 'nancy' in that kind of phrasing would be stupid, particularly to people who were aware of me being gay. There is absolutely nothing 'sexual' about dirty public toilets for me, I just wish I could convince my body to urinate in them, even in stalls.

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