Posted by Andrew on 23/8/2015, 8:01 pm, in reply to "Really need help with my paruresis."

Hi Dan It would help a lot if you could get rid of the secrecy around this, as that means it has a control over you. Look at the relevant page on our website here: http://ukpt.org.uk/first_visit/first_visit_How_to_Tell_Someone.htm To repeat, the important thing is that they need to know and that you trust them. Don’t tell anyone if they do not need to know, or you do not trust them. Tell people one at a time; I suggest your girlfriend should be first. Be prepared to emphasise that it is out of your control, and how much it makes you unhappy. Feedback from those who have told someone are that either the listener is underwhelmed, and moves onto another topic, or is sympathetic because they can relate to an anxiety (e.g. public speaking) or know someone who has shy bladder. As for dealing with such as that “friend” who finds it hilarious: I would not tell him. In terms of your fear of negative comments, please read my posting below under “Paruresis ruling my life” on 13 August . Could you bin any feelings of shame. A distinguished Clinical Psychologist said that almost all phobias are due to bad luck. They are NOT a judgement on the individual. Read as much as you can about it; there is a lot on our website (separate to the forum) Finally can you get along to one of our Beginners workshops (see the Discussion Board and the website). They take place every four months, and the next one is in London on 25-27 Sept. You will be able to make progress there. Cheers Andrew

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