Posted by Matt on 2/6/2015, 10:22 pm
Edited by board administrator 2/6/2015, 10:45 pm

Hi, I have only just discovered this message board today even though I have suffered with paruresis since as long as I can remember. The reason I searched online about paruresis is because I had an incident today: I was followed into the toilets by a man. I always want to try overcome paruresis so I stand at the urinal and attempt to pee. As you can guess I couldn't open my bladder, but the other man could - hearing his pee was so infuriating as I could not open my bladder. I never can unless I'm alone at the urinal. I'm able to pee in the stall, but ideally I want to pee at the urinal. Anyway, back to what I really want to talk about... When I pee, the only way I find I can open my bladder is by pulsating my body, pushing on my bladder in pulses is the best way I can explain it - this isn't just when I'm at the urinal, this is all the time, even when I am in the vicinity of my own home. Is this normal when having this condition? My friend asked why do I pulsate when I pee, and I just thought this was normal. Now I'm ever more paranoid that the others standing beside me at the urinal can see me pulsating. How can I open my bladder without the need to pulsate? Even when my bladder is completely full I still have to pulsate to release my pee. I'm hoping to attend the event in September in London as the anxiety is forever building and I am becoming so unhappy. The particular event today that I mentioned just reaffirms for me that I'll never be able to lead the life that I want to. Any advice will be appreciated. Thanks, Matt

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