Posted by Andrew4567890 on 1/6/2015, 3:26 pm, in reply to "Some good progress, but still hit and miss"

Hi Dave Well done for organising successful desensing from closed cubicles to where you are now. Was your urgency too high? For me, if it is too high and I have had to hold it back too long, the sphincter seems to get jammed and releases very slowly. Before suitcases on wheels, that used to happen carrying a heavy suitcase some way; after putting the suitcase down the fingers would not unfurl. The lockup reaction comes from the amygdala which you cannot access; so you don’t know what little thing unnerved it. Accept that these misfires are part of the process of desensing the amygdala. If you never misfire, you are being way too cautious. Instead you are pushing your envelope and your phrase “quite challenging situations” suggests that you have gone two or more steps up your hierarchy instead of one. Can you accept that you maybe need to have your personal space for now, defined in terms of dividers, and/or an empty adjoining urinal. Can you reinforce that level for several months without considering moving up your hierarchy. The first phase at new level is eventful success; followed by the second phase which is expected success; but you have to continue into the third phase where it ceases to be an event and becomes boring; such that a few minutes later you have forgotten all about it. Can you see what a solid foundation that would be to moving up a level? Do you fully accept that others have not the slightest interest in what you or are not doing, cos to them it is as uninteresting as you blowing your nose. Are you fully comfortable with waiting someone out. If not, then practice faking until you are. Is your mindset as chilled as a dog walker, who stares into space while the dog sniffs a lamppost and may or may not pee; or are you doing the equivalent of urging your dog to pee? Can you disengage from your lower body and treat it like walking the dog? Do you truly not care whether you pee or not, knowing that you may go straightway, or after ten seconds, or after waiting someone out, or even after you zip up and return a few minutes later. Can you accept that it is OK to go where you instinctively feel comfortable, which will vary from day to day; and this is from two guys who do not have shy bladder. Cheers Andrew

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