Posted by Michael on 5/5/2013, 11:28 am, in reply to "London follow-up workshop feedback "

Great to see that you've benefited from the workshops Ross. For my part, I attended a beginners workshop in November 2011 and didn't engage in any desensing activities after that beyond going to urinals and going through the routine I remembered (loosening the knees and shoulders, defocussing the mind). I had more failures than successes, and decided that I needed to attend a follow up workshop. During the follow up workshop I peed in every urinal that I used, even if it took what seemed like ages (actually less than a minute in most cases). I re-learned how to breathe in through the nose and out through pursed lips as if I was letting out a sigh, and how to be patient with myself. My successes meant that I found it boring and didn't get the same buzz of elation that I did from being able to do this during the beginners workshop. It had become too easy to fluid load, go to a urinal with a constantly full bladder and constantly feeling like I needed to pee. I understood on some level that this would help me get used to peeing at urinals and that practice makes perfect, that this would make going to urinals boring and eventually a subconscious routine, but by the end of Sunday I didn't want to do it anymore and I said so. Just before the workshop broke up that day, I went to a small restroom and stood next to one of the others from the workshop. I tried to defocus my mind, anticipating that this would be as routine as before, but then he walked away (distraction of movement beside me), washed his hands (distraction of noise), and clanged and banged about for what seemed like ages and it was only when he left that the stream emerged. Back to square one; made me feel really depressed. It didn't help that I'd said how easy I'd found it and said I didn't need to desense anymore. Later I realised that if he hadn't moved then I might have eventually been able to pee. I also realised that I had set myself up to fail in a way, because the guy next to me did know, and I'd said I could do it and was subconsciously afraid that I wouldn't prove it, and I had thought at the back of my mind how embarrassing it would be, having peed in all these public urinals next to people etc that I wouldn't be able to do it in this hotel restroom where I'd graduated a year and a half ago. Despite my protests, I think that desensing is necessary. It helped the first time round, and the follow up workshop added to my confidence (over confidence even!). I think that although I can't see myself attending another workshop, that the practice of desensing is something that I should continue with, even if infrequently. So

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