Posted by Robert on 25/11/2012, 7:22 pm, in reply to "Feedback on Manchester follow-up workshop Nov 2012"

Hi mates, thank You for your comments, and I would like to say thank you for the UKPT and Andrew! Five years ago I found the website of the UKPT. After hesitating for some month, finally I went to a beginner workshop and after a month to a follower. At these time my life completely changed. I got tools to cope with my AP. But I wanted more and more progress, I wanted to prove for everybody but rather myself. I had to pee everyday in a public toilet. I behaved like a gambler: I chose the trickiest places to pee, risking my progress. Besides, my practise plan was too strict and high level expectation of myself derailed me. After some uneasy situation I started to misfire and my well-known Boo Monster returned and took the control over my life again. I avoided the public toilets and when I had to go, I was sitting and waiting in a locked cubicle but I was not able to. Anxiety, sometimes panic, self pity, isolation and loneliness followed me everywhere. Overmore I had sleeping problem, the nightmares returned too. Today I know I have mixed the practise and my privet life. During the last three years I was thinking to go to a workshop again, but I did not have the courage to do so. I thought I was a looser… Months and years passed and finally I plucked up the courage and I wrote a letter to Andrew. He encouraged me to register the next follower workshop and reassured me, there are some people, who need to have more workshops. Arriving at the workshop everyone was very kind and after a while I chilled out. I am not English but the language barrier did not disturb me. Andrew sometimes translated to me. We talked about our problems openly, in a very honest way. The stories were so familiar, almost all could be mine. We shared our resolutions for the old and for the new habits. The desens started again. Friday night I was able to pee with opened door – in the presence of someone in the hotel room. Saturday evening I was able to pee at a urinal with one mate – in a safe public toilet. By Sunday noon I experienced that I was standing in a cue in a very overcrowded public toilet, waiting for a free urinal. I got a free one and I peed at a urinal while thereabouts ten men were standing behind my back and waiting for a free urinal. Amazing? I just did what Andrew and my mates advised me: change the way of my thinking. At the end of the workshop I was over a lot of public peeing. I understood that the question is not the pee or not to pee but how I feel myself in a public toilet. When I feel comfortable I feel free to pee, because pee is happen. That is what I have to work on! I arrived as a poor lonely man and I left as a rich person. I was given fellowships, acceptance, self-confident, pride, calm and HOPE and I met a lot of very good people. Besides it was a great English lesson too. I really enjoyed all the weekend. It was an invaluable experience. During the last week I visited some public toilet, not to pee, just to feel comfortable. I stood at the urinals without peeing, just do the fake with an inner smile and in some occasion I peed almost against my will. I work on my progress, I am planning my strategy how to cope with my AP. When You suffer alone, please do not hesitate, just register the next workshop! Robert

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