Posted by Conor on 21/11/2012, 8:59 pm, in reply to "Feedback on Manchester follow-up workshop Nov 2012"

I just want to endorse everything Ronnie and Sean said. I found the weekend relaxed, supportive and, ultimately, exhilarating. I was not expecting it to work so well, and feared it might even be a nightmare. The core reason for this was that, after a good beginners' workshop in January, I had only desensed till March (and then only once a week) before letting all my old safety habits take over again. And, for me, experiencing a little success / internal change and then feeling powerless again over something I really wanted to be able to do without any fuss was very, very challenging. In fact, I wasn't only feeling nervous before the follow-up weekend. I was feeling shame. In other words, I was doing what I suspect many fellow APs are also very good at - beating myself up! So... it was GREAT, with bells on, to find these negative feelings evaporate once the first desensing session was underway. And I managed to do so much more than I had thought I would. We all have our own targets, of course. For me, it was being able to use a urinal regardless of who was there. Over the course of the four desensing sessions, I reached that goal. Thank you to all my fellow participants (lovely, normal guys) and of course to Andrew. My message to anyone reading this is: don't think this can't be you. I remember reading a testimony on some website a good few years ago (when I was first looking for help) that was elated and maybe just a little effusive: 'I can now pee anywhere! Heaving nightclubs! Football stadiums! Army barracks!' You get the picture. And I remember feeling deflated. It made me feel further away from ever getting the better of paruresis. But the information, the support and, most of all, the experience of success DO work. The single most important piece of information, for me, was that I couldn't MAKE myself pee. But I COULD just decide not to care. Which of course relaxed that old internal sphincter! And the support of the men there, and the feeling I got off the 'event' nature of the weekend, meant I could really commit to not caring. As I said earlier, I am very good at beating myself up; the key to my success was (will be...) refusing to do so. I'm letting go, and letting it flow! Line of the weekend? 'Those who mind, don't matter; those who matter, don't mind.' So read this message board. Go to a Beginners Workshop. Go to a Follow Up Workshop. And without going too far out of your comfort zone, just taking things step by step, DESENSE, DESENSE, DESENSE! And then desense some more. That's what I'm determined to do, anyway. Goodbye, all safety behaviours; hello, the real me!

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