U.K. PARURESIS TRUST: Re: October Workshop Feedback: thinking of going on the workshop? This is why you should go!

To add to Paul's review of the workshop, I have been on the UKPT "please let me know when the next beginners workshop is" list for a while - since early 2011 I think. However I finally attended the beginners workshop in Manchester earlier this month.

As the day approached, I started to become more and more nervous about this - I wasn't sure whether I really wanted to be talking about stuff so personal with other people, and I was particularly worried that I'd turn up to find a group of wierld old men who I couldn't connect with, and didn't really want to be near. Another worry was that I didn't want to be physically "exposing" myself in front of other people.

I'm pleased to say that all those fears were completely unfounded.... the workshop consisted of 8 other guys who were all "normal" looking, some confident, some less so, some with families, some single, but all really friendly, and the kind of people you'd be happy to go to the pub with for a chat and a drink etc. Andrew and Peter, the facilitators were both excellent at creating a calm, supportive and open atmosphere, and there was certainly no compulsion to do anything that you didn't feel fully comfortable and ready to try. (and exposing yourself in any form was absolutely not on the agenda!)

Looking back I'm surprised how easy it was to talk about all sorts of things with different members of the group - and how quickly I felt relaxed and accepted by everyone.

Before attending, I was in the position of generally not drinking anything and not going to toilets when out of the house. My body had trained itself to not feel the need to go - although as I would arrive home and start to turn the key in the front-door, I would suddenly feel the urge.

I have not been into a public toilet for a long time, and the few times I would go to the toilet when not at home would be in one particular office (where all the toilets are cubicles with their own washing facilites - completely enclosed - effectively your own room shut off from the world), or in cubicles in toilets where there was no-one else in the toilet. If someone came into the toilet while I was in a cubicle I would completely lock up, and if I ever tried to stand at a urinal, I would feel myself lock up just walking towards it.

As I left the workshop I felt I was able to use a cubicle in almost any situation - including having been able to go on the course with the cubicle door open and somenoe I could trust standing in the doorway. I even managed to use a urinal on the course with another of the attendees standing in the room (not in direct view of me) which is a massive, massive leap forward.

In the few days since the workshop I have used cubilces in public toilets where there have been other people around (strangers) a few times, and this has been a much less stressful experience than I could have imagined would be possible. I have also found myself able to use the toilet in friends' houses, and feel completley comfortable about doing so - something I could never do before.

I still have further to go on my journey (I am not ready to go near a urinal!) but I am hoping that will come with the follow up workshop.

If you are thinking of attending then my advice to you is to stop thinking about it and go. I put it off for quite a while, but there was no reason to - this is a unique opportunity to start overcoming paruresis in a supportive, friendly and caring environment, and I do feel like I have met a great bunch of people that I do want to stay in touch with.

Andrew and Peter seem to know just what to say, just how to act to get the balance of being supportive and challenging just right.

Hope this helps anyone reading this who isn't fully convinced they should go. I'm going to now book myself onto the follow-up!

Matt