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October Workshop Feedback: thinking of going on the workshop? This is why you should go!
Posted by Paul on 12/10/2012, 12:16 pm Message modified by board administrator 16/10/2012, 6:10 pm
Hi everyone.
I found this website around 3 months ago and have posted once before on this message board, but as a generally shy person I just tend to read the posts instead of writing them
I was so relieved to have found the site as I have been suffering from quite bad AP for around 15 years now and had no idea that it was actually a recognised condition. I genuinely believed I was the only person with this problem so to have found others to talk to and possible help in the workshop was a great feeling.
It took a while but I eventually plucked up the courage to email Andrew about the workshops. I received a friendly reply within 24 hours which put me at ease straight away which was a great start. Sadly for me I live near London and the next workshop was in October in Manchester, but I felt that now was my chance to do something about AP so booked on the course anyway. This would mean a 4 hour train journey from Kent, an issue for me straight away so I would have to plan carefully not to drink beforehand and plan a possible 'safe' toilet stop somewhere on the journey as going to toilet on the train was unthinkable for me.
Anyway I managed to arrive safely in Manchester and that evening we all met up for the first session. I'm not sure what I expected to be honest but the 10 of us were all young, fit looking people. I think one person mentioned it could have been a meeting of the local rugby team to anyone who did not know why we were there. I had not travelled the furthest, far from it we had people from all corners of England plus two who had travelled from outside the UK! The initial shyness of the group soon wore off and we were all quickly feeling at ease and chatting, all helped greatly by the skills of Andrew and Peter, who helped everyone relax and feel comfortable.
Anyway I wont go in to detail on the actual workshop on here as I don't want to make this message to long and boring, but there was lots of tips, relaxing techniques, chances to practice our new skills, teaching to help us understand the reasons we suffer from AP and something I was not expecting, socialising time with more practice! If anyone wants to know anything in more detail then please ask and I will happily let you know what I can.
It was soon Sunday afternoon and time to return home though I have to say as much as I was looking forward to getting home I was actually sad to be leaving the new environment I had lived in for the last 2 1/2 days, as well as sad to leave behind the many new friends behind I had made and plan to stay in touch with and hopefully meet up with again.
I had come in to the group as someone that could only go at home, or in very quiet public loos with big cubicles with the door shut so how was I on leaving the workshop? Well over the weekend I had managed to go in my room with one other person standing directly outside the toilet door, once in a cubicle in the hotel loos with the door open and once to my shock in the hotel urinal with one person from the group also in the toilet at the same time
This did not mean it was a miracle and I was now cured, there was the odd misfire but, instead of getting down about it, my new found positivity just said, oh well never mind I'll go next time.I believed I was now at the start of a long road to recovery but at least I had made the first few steps, the biggest of which was deciding to go on the course!
So today we are a week on, so what has happened since? Well first of all on the way home from Manchester I decided not to go to toilet before I left but to go on train. This would start with desensing (going in to the toilet as soon as possible to pretend to go, even though you don't need to) this helps you get used to your surroundings so you don't have that anxiety of what is the toilet like etc. Later in the journey when I really needed to go up I got and off I went. I took 20 seconds or so but instead of panic I remained calm and said I think I may go soon, then hey presto my first ever wee on a train.
I have also had further success since being home, having been in urinals at both the hospital and local social club, although there was no one in the toilet at the time this was a huge step forward for me although I know I have a long way to go.
The next best step for me is I have a 9 hour flight to America on the 25 October, something I've been dreading. Having spoken to Andrew about this I have seen the doctor, who I would never have mentioned this to before getting confidence from the workshop, and am hoping to get a catheter. That said this will be purely for a backup and my peace of mind and I fully expect to not use it, but its there as a fail safe if needed. For the next 2 weeks I'm going to take a few trips on the train to practice desensing for the plane, so I'll let you know in due course how it all goes.
My last say on this though is I'm so pleased I went on the workshop, it is already changing my life for the better, not just with going to the loo but I'm also more confident and outgoing in general now. So if you are not sure whether to go to a workshop or not then take my advice, just do it! You will not regret it!
Thanks for your help Andrew & Peter
Paul
Re: October Workshop Feedback: thinking of going on the workshop? This is why you should go!
To add to Paul's review of the workshop, I have been on the UKPT "please let me know when the next beginners workshop is" list for a while - since early 2011 I think. However I finally attended the beginners workshop in Manchester earlier this month.
As the day approached, I started to become more and more nervous about this - I wasn't sure whether I really wanted to be talking about stuff so personal with other people, and I was particularly worried that I'd turn up to find a group of wierld old men who I couldn't connect with, and didn't really want to be near. Another worry was that I didn't want to be physically "exposing" myself in front of other people.
I'm pleased to say that all those fears were completely unfounded.... the workshop consisted of 8 other guys who were all "normal" looking, some confident, some less so, some with families, some single, but all really friendly, and the kind of people you'd be happy to go to the pub with for a chat and a drink etc. Andrew and Peter, the facilitators were both excellent at creating a calm, supportive and open atmosphere, and there was certainly no compulsion to do anything that you didn't feel fully comfortable and ready to try. (and exposing yourself in any form was absolutely not on the agenda!)
Looking back I'm surprised how easy it was to talk about all sorts of things with different members of the group - and how quickly I felt relaxed and accepted by everyone.
Before attending, I was in the position of generally not drinking anything and not going to toilets when out of the house. My body had trained itself to not feel the need to go - although as I would arrive home and start to turn the key in the front-door, I would suddenly feel the urge.
I have not been into a public toilet for a long time, and the few times I would go to the toilet when not at home would be in one particular office (where all the toilets are cubicles with their own washing facilites - completely enclosed - effectively your own room shut off from the world), or in cubicles in toilets where there was no-one else in the toilet. If someone came into the toilet while I was in a cubicle I would completely lock up, and if I ever tried to stand at a urinal, I would feel myself lock up just walking towards it.
As I left the workshop I felt I was able to use a cubicle in almost any situation - including having been able to go on the course with the cubicle door open and somenoe I could trust standing in the doorway. I even managed to use a urinal on the course with another of the attendees standing in the room (not in direct view of me) which is a massive, massive leap forward.
In the few days since the workshop I have used cubilces in public toilets where there have been other people around (strangers) a few times, and this has been a much less stressful experience than I could have imagined would be possible. I have also found myself able to use the toilet in friends' houses, and feel completley comfortable about doing so - something I could never do before.
I still have further to go on my journey (I am not ready to go near a urinal!) but I am hoping that will come with the follow up workshop.
If you are thinking of attending then my advice to you is to stop thinking about it and go. I put it off for quite a while, but there was no reason to - this is a unique opportunity to start overcoming paruresis in a supportive, friendly and caring environment, and I do feel like I have met a great bunch of people that I do want to stay in touch with.
Andrew and Peter seem to know just what to say, just how to act to get the balance of being supportive and challenging just right.
Hope this helps anyone reading this who isn't fully convinced they should go. I'm going to now book myself onto the follow-up!
