Posted by Mike T
on 17/8/2012, 12:51 pm, in reply to "Hi"
My GP had no idea what paruresis was either. It's shocking because when I went to see them I thought I was the only one in the world that couldn't pee in public. They told me that I was probably just thinking too much and referred me to a self help book. I only found out what it was when I finally plucked up the nerve to put toilet phobia into google.
The first thing I'd suggest is to not focus so much on peeing. Instead focus on deliberately allowing yourself to feel your anxiety. A good way to do this is to go to the toilet even though you really don't need to. For example, you could be out in public, you don't need to urinate but go into a public toilet anyway and commit to staying in a cubicle for 4-5 minutes; or if you want to be really bold stand at a urinal without doing anything. If you're in a cubicle no body knows what your doing in there, for all they know you could be sending a text or reading an email on your smart phone, or taking a big you know what.
If you do this consistently enough it starts to have a powerful knock on effect. It's feeling of, "yes, actually I belong in the toilets too." Rather than you feeling supper alert and vigilant as though you shouldn't be there. You'll find that you naturally begin to take your time more and more.
As I always say, I'm recovered now (I too couldn't pee alone in my own flat at one point) but even though I haven't had a miss fire in over two years I still go to the toilet accepting the fact that I might not be able to pee. But that's ok because my goal isn't to pee. My only goal is to not avoid or deny the fact that I would like to pee. Do you get it? My only goal is to not avoid going to the toilet. If you avoid the toilet then paruresis will always have the upper hand.
But if you instead go to the toilet - use a cubicle if you want don't feel like you must use the urinal, if all the cubicles are being used then cue for one, I see guys doing this all the time, remember for all people know you're looking forward to dropping a big you know what - So yeah, if you instead go to the toilet and at least allow yourself to have an attempt at peeing then you'll be teaching the brain that it's ok to go to the toilet and not pee.
So the point is you might pee you might not pee but that's ok because you're goal is to just get to the situation where you can point your penis at a toilet. If you make peeing the goal then your putting pressure on yourself to perform.
When you make peeing the goal the mind can't help but think, "right we need to accomplish this goal" what happens is you start trying to pee, peeing isn't really something that you do, it's something that you let happen. There's a very subtle difference and the only way to get there is through consistent practice. You'll be surprised what can happen when you put yourself in the thick of it deliberately.
Best wishes, Mike T 256
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