Posted by Andrew on 23/12/2010, 8:26 am, in reply to "Had to quit my job because of this - why isnt there a miracle drug"

Hi John Its good that you have found this site, and I can well understand why you feel so down. The good news is that there is a way ahead for you. Have you read all the info and advice on our website (i.e. not this forum) the link is at the top of the page. Mark recommended that you attend one of our workshops, and we have one in London in January. Honestly you will find it very helpful. As for your experiences. One of the components of paruresis is self-consciousness, which means that the individual relates everything happening around him as being to do with him. So in your second story about trying both toilets, you felt the room was seeing your behaviour as odd. BUT you could have been going for a dump, found the first cubicle occupied, so went to the second toilet to use its cubicle; nothing odd about that. The problem is that because you felt you were behaving oddly, your body language would give the game away! Someone who was not self-conscious, would not have been thinking about what he thought the room was thinking about him. As for people being in the cubicle. In those small toilets with only two urinals, it is common for blokes to prefer not to stand next to each other; i.e. if a bloke walks in and sees one urinal being used, he could go and use the cubicle openly. First bloke finishes and leaves; you walk in and find the cubicle occupied. See how it goes? You say you felt "a freak, a failure, a poor excuse for a man cause I cant use a urinal". Well, women get shy bladder as well - and we cant accuse them of being poor excuses for a man, can we? Its nothing to do with gender, all to do with a fear reaction. The workshop gives you a safe place to address this fear in little manageable steps, in a controlled way, where you are in control all the time. So do post again on this forum, use it as your friend where you can talk about it safely OK? cheers Andrew

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