U.K. PARURESIS TRUST: Re: New Years Resolution I want to sort this out this year.

Hi Rob

This is crunch time for you.

Firstly you cannot attend a beginners workshop for a few hours: there is a tight schedule of work that takes the full time to do. Past experience with letting a participant miss only the Friday evening did not work out.

You are going to have to confide in your gf. Lets face it, at the rate you are turning down invitations, either your relationship will suffer, or it will all come out anyway. The reaction from partners is always (a) why did you not tell me sooner? and (b) its no big deal.

We have a script for telling someone here:
http://www.ukpt.org.uk/first_visit/first_visit_How_to_Tell_Someone.htm

It is short, and leads them in in steps they can understand and accept.

When you have told her, you can lay down the rules as to what she can do to help e.g. not commment on it to you when you are out, and to cover for you if you take a long time etc.

This is a big deal for you as it is for all guys who attend workshops. But peeing is a non-event for most people, so they see it as something minor. You in fact will have to explain how it messes things up for you, and why you need to attend a workshop. All you need to do together is to agree a script e.g Rob has gone off for the weekend on a work course, or on a confidence building course, or to visit a friend - whatever.

I know this is hard for you; you would rather do anything other than tell her. But a longterm relationship is a trusting relationship, and that works both ways. She would expect you to trust her with something so important to you. If that trust is not there, is there truly a relationship?

You say she suspects something; if you tell her, you can keep it between you. If you do not, she may well discuss with others the fact that there is something odd going on that you are not admitting to. Much better to keep it between you two alone.

Bite the bullet and come on a workshop.

And feel free to email me if that helps

Andrew