Posted by Adam on 27/4/2009, 7:55 pm

Hi everyone Great to hear all your updates and catch up again - it's inspiring to hear people progress and comforting to know everyone has little hiccups. I've had a decent few weeks with my AP. In general, I've actually done well from the toilet side of things but I've found that I've been suffering from a lot of anxiety about social occasions which has resulted in some arguments with my wife. I know what you're going to say: tell her! But I've found it really hard to open up about the problem even though I've said that I find socializing often makes me anxious and she totally understands this. We went on holiday to Holland a few weeks ago. Generally toilet design was a real positive on this trip. I found all the toilets I entered in Holland had dividers - the promised land! There are more AP friendly toilets at Gatwick too now (back of the department store in Departures) - these have dividers and pictures of beaches above the urinals to take your mind off things. I had my first 'enter and pee directly alongside someone' moment here. I found I was happy doing this in Holland if I felt someone was finishing or there was plenty of background noise. At the moment, I find the silence of some toilets makes me nervous - perhaps more nervous than the absence of dividers... if there's a lot of noise it makes me feel that nobody is going to be aware who's going etc. I've been in some really AP unfriendly toilets going out socially recently - I've been lucky in finding the urinals empty and able to get into flow before people enter. It does still make me nervous the prospect of going in and finding friends going or even worse friends following me directly in. Generally I'm happiest going out with one or two friends because of this as I can time my visits between theirs or when they're at the bar etc. If it is a big gathering I still start to get quite antsy about it... I think in some ways this has been worse recently because I am more aware of my AP from day to day - hopefully it will wear off in the coming months! The only other positive I've noticed on my toilet travels is that a lot of men - particularly younger men - do opt for a cubicle over a urinal given the option if you're already stood at one of the others... so don't worry about using a cubicle with the door open if you're happier - that's what I am trying to get myself into feeling. I've got a stag do coming up in a couple of weeks so I am getting slightly wound up about how it will all go on that... fingers crossed!

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