Posted by Mike on 29/10/2008, 6:43 pm

Hey guys, I've recently found out about this thing, and although perhaps my case has never been as severe or inflicting on my life than others (mainly due to me being able to piss in cubicles or on the rare occasion urinals whilst completely trashed on alcohol . Anyway, I'm 21 and now I'm living in a shared home with this single loo right outside all the rooms so it's really easy to hear when your in there! A nightmare for a paruresis who's new 'safe' toilet is far from safe. Anyway, I hit an all time low the other day and couldn't even go when I had my music on pretty loud drowning out almost all the noise, and also really early in the morning when everyone was more than likely asleep (both of which I could do some weeks before). Basically this came down to thinking more about it and knowing that I had this disease amplyfing the anxiety. But... After reading some really inspirational stories, I've decided I'm going to BEAT THIS THING DOWN SO HARD IT WILL NEVER EVER SHOW IT'S MISERABLE FACE IN MY LIFE AGAIN ONCE I AM THROUGH WITH IT! I started today... took a few minutes to try to relax, #### it didn't help one bit, I turned my music on and walked into the toilet, I pulled the LOUD light switch and shut the door, knowing full well my two housemates were wide awake inside their silent rooms doing whatever they do - listening to me pee apparently. Heart beating, I stood there and waited, I slowed my breathing and stared at the wall in front of me and tried to think about work (I'm a 3D artist btw and love my work :D) - after what felt like 5 minutes (more like 30 seconds I bet) I felt the beginnings of a urination come up, but it got shut down by a contraction somewhere in my bladder or urethra, but I continued to wait, it happened again and this time a bit came out! wow I thought could this be it, but as soon as I heard it trickle onto the toilet basin my instant reaction somewhere inside my preprogrammed brain was'OH DEAR GOD STOP NOW YOUR MAKING A NOISE! YOUR ENTIRE MANHOOD AND RESPECT FROM PEOPLE WHO KNOW YOU IS AT RISK!' and thus my urine flow was swiftly denied. But - I continued. This time it hit the spot. This time some part of me accepted it and I was able to pick up a solid flow. Probably a 2 minute heart racing rollercoaster ride overall. I currently feel amazing. If I continue with this success I will find a new found respect and happiness for life that I don't think I could ever have felt. Perhaps in some ways this disease has it's positive side. I find myself approaching girls and getting in fights in clubs regularly and barely loosing my nerve. What the #### is getting rejected by some girl or having some conflict compared to having nerve racking soul destroying anxiety accompanied with pee difficulty every hour or two of the day. Next time I will have my music on just a bit quieter. And I will stand there for as long as it takes... as long as it takes. I will do this until I am peeing with the door open farting as I go while my roommate has his door wide ajar, and until I can squeeze in between two fat guys at a trough urinal and pee away - maybe even point my pee toward them just to be cheeky. And this will be where I can vent my thoughts!

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