Posted by Andrew on 2/9/2008, 8:47 pm, in reply to "What to do?"

Hi Greg Well done for getting it all off your chest; this is the place to do it, and we are all people who understand totally what you are going through. Well done also for telling your Mum, and telling your friend; it aint easy, but it is essential to do so; that way you can start to loosen the grip of secrecy. You say you are finding it hard to tell your best friend. Look on our linked website for the page "How to tell someone"; it gives you a simple script that leads them in bit by bit in a way they can understand. About your therapist: would he benefit from reading our website (the link is at the top of this page). Would he benefit by contacting us for suggestions on how to treat you? Again the email address is at the top of the page. We have been contacted by health care professionals before. He can phone me. About your friend and the pee buddy "outing". I do recommmend that you do NOT start with an outing; I think that may be too big a step to start with. I suggest you start at home using your bathroom. Read the page on "Cognitive therapy and practical advice"; it is all relevant, but note especially para 18 about desensitisation, and the sample hierarchies for desensitisation further down the page. (I need to re-order the paragraphs into priority order!). Do not expect miracles; you have to do it little steps at a time, and give yourself time to get used to it. But you can go a long way at home, to the point where the buddy is in there behind you or beside you. Then you can try at his place, just to get over the fact that it is not your "safe" home bathroom. Only then would you look for a large quiet public toilet: motorway services are good, outside rush hour e.g. Sunday morning! About the job. Go to your GP and say you get urinary retention and need to know how to self-catheterise as an emergency back-up. It is a lottery whether the GP will approve; some see it as too risky infection-wise(tho our experience does not back this up; others see it as overkill - you will need to challenge them about how you are supposed to manage without it, tomorrow! When you tell your friend, ask him to think of ways you could cope in the short term. Blokes like the challenge of solving a problem and he knows the work set up. e.g if you use a white van, perhaps you could go in the back with a bucket or bottle, and he could cover for you. You would not be the first :-) Lastly feel free to get in touch with me by email; it can help just knowing you can unload, and it would be easier to give advice on the pee buddying etc that way. But carry on posting her as well; it feels good to get replies from others. Then there is the workshop route, as Jan mentioned; see the posting above about it. It works cheers Andrew Chairman

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