Changed your mindset recently?

Changing your mindset is not as easy as it sounds.

Changing your mind is easy. If you don't fancy chicken for dinner any more, you choose cheese instead. If you don't like the shoes that looked so good when you bought them, you take them back to exchange them. It's no big deal. There are no repercussions. It takes very little thought and very little action.

Changing your mindset, however, isn't so easy. It takes a lot of thought, and a lot of action. It's a key part of the journey to overcoming paruresis (shy bladder syndrome).

Your mindset is a complicated product of years of habits, experiences and negative thoughts, which are so familiar that you're probably hardly aware of them. Unfortunately, automatic negative thoughts comprise a big proportion of your mindset. People who have paruresis, will be particularly familiar with theirs...

"Suppose someone hears me pee".

"Suppose I keep people waiting".

"Suppose people notice that I can't pee and think I'm weird".

In order to change your mindset, you need to become aware of these negative thoughts and replace them with positive thoughts. For instance, instead of thinking…

"Suppose I keep people waiting"

Replace it with the thought that…

"The toilet is mine for as long as I need it. If someone else needs it, they'll have to wait until I've finished and that will take as long as it takes".

A lot of the thoughts that make up your mindset will have been part of your psyche for many years, often since childhood. For people who have had paruresis since their schooldays, these negative thoughts may be habits which are very entrenched, so you will need to be prepared to work hard to replace them.

There are lots of theories around breaking old habits and forming new ones. There is the 21/90 rule. This tells us that it takes 21 days to establish a new habit and 90 days to make it a permanent lifestyle change. Then there is the two day rule, which states that if we are trying to make a new habit (like changing our mindset), we should never skip doing that new activity for more than one day. Then, there's the one percent rule. This advises us that we should focus on just one percent improvement each day. It's small and manageable, but will add up substantially over time.

So take it slowly, step by step. Repeat your new positive habits so that they become part of your new mindset. Don't give up if you have occasional bad days. Pick yourself up, shake yourself off, and start all over again.

Visit How to Change Your Mindset for more detailed information about how to choose to change your mindset.

Visit the UKPT website for more information about how paruresis affects people. Find out how other people have overcome their paruresis.

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