You've taken the first step in getting control of this situation by finding this site. Via the discussion board you will find many people who have shared this problem and have started to come to grips with it. We find we learn from each other's experiences and ideas, so use the board that way. Fellow sufferers are very good at understanding the issues, so ask about anything that troubles you and sit back and wait for the answers. There are also a number of professionals who regularly participate with both the UK board and the USA board.
People find Steve Soifer's book Shy Bladder Syndrome helpful and it can be ordered on the net (e.g.Amazon).
Also "Free 2 Pee" by Christopher McCullough via the IPA store.
Now go to the starting to cope with AP page.
If you have any queries that you do not want to post on the board, contact me on email@example.com.