Nick's paruresis story (conclusions)

Posted by Nick on 22/11/2016, 10:37 am

Somewhere around 10 years ago, Nick started a process of desensitization. He knew nothing about it, but he now remembers to have read something about it: in particular, filling well the bladder by drinking water and then try to urinate in a public toilet. Step by step in the years Nick learned to urinate in the following situations: 1) In the open air, provided there is a little privacy (a bush, some trees) and there is nobody just beside or in front of him. The difficult point remains to start. After that, even if someone gets closer he continues to pee. 2) In multiple urinals, provided they are separated by dividers. The stimulus has to be rather high. The size of the divider is not very important. The higher, the better. But it is sufficient from shoulder to knees. 3) In street urinals (we called them “vespasiani”). If the urinal is single, no problem, even if the divider from the street is smaller than Nick. If the urinal is double, it depends on how it is arranged: if the two men urinate both toward the same wall, but each of them is separated from the other just by the divider where the urinals are set, Nick can urinate, provided the other man does not look at him from above the divider, and to be able to start urinating, he must be looking at his feet. When the flow starts, he can also look around. If the two urinals are side by side without divider, Nick hasn’t yet overcome his difficulty. 4) In multiple urinals not separated by divider. That’s a very difficult point. Nick usually doesn’t dare to get closer to these urinals. If the urinals are all free, and possibly the toilet room is empty, he has tried to urinate into one of the urinals (the most at right or left, according to urinal etiquette). He has recently succeeded in starting urinating providing nobody else is at the urinals (sometimes even if there is someone in the room, washing his hands for example). If, after he has started urinating, another man comes to urinate beside him, he has managed to continue the flow until the end. But this is not a permanent victory, only one or two episodes. However, Nick remembers that some years ago he was on a motor way, stopped at a service station, had urgency to pee, entered the men’s toilet rooms, all the urinals (without dividers) were occupied except the last at the right. He went to that urinal and succeeded in urinating completely. But this is not a permanent victory, only a won battle. 5) Trough urinal are still off limits for Nick. There are also “frightening” circular or double side trough urinals! He cannot even find them anywhere to try. I discovered only recently the my disturb is called paruresis, and that it is very diffuse especially between men. I read that 7% of men suffer from it. This signifies that in Italy there should be some 1.5-2 millions of men suffering from paruresis. So I have finally found out that I was not so strange. At this point I would need some advice in order to approach the difficulty of starting urinating in a multiple urinals without dividers, when someone else is already urinating there. I could not imagine which gradual passes I could do to achieve the target. I can only suppose that I have to try, when my bladder is rather full, and tackle directly the problem. If I succeed, good! If I fail, I don’t have to fell so ashamed. Thanks to anyone has read me until the end. Any comment or suggestion is appreciated. Please answer me. Nick