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Feedback from the Manchester Follow Up Workshop, November 2016
Posted by Chris on 14/11/2016, 9:52 pm Edited by board administrator 14/11/2016, 10:13 pm
Hi all,
So I thought I would post about my experience of the follow up workshop whilst it is fresh in my mind.
I had attended the September Manchester workshop and resolved to return to the follow up a couple of months later. On arriving (late!) I was greeted by some familiar faces and some new faces, but in a very relaxed atmosphere. In fact, we sat as a group casually drinking coffee and chatting about some of the browser themes we had covered - this set the tone for the weekend ahead.
I won't go into detail of the exact weekend, but it was quite different to the beginners workshop in being far less structured and much more relaxed. There were 5 of us in the group returning for a follow up, but our time frame between beginners and follow up varied from a couple of months to several years. Either way we seemed to gel as a group really quickly!
The weekend has far more emphasis on self-help and preparing you to progress alone in the future. At first I found this a little disheartening. I had made unimaginable strides during the beginners workshop and I wanted more of the same, but I soon understood that if this is to be sustained in the long term then I needed the tools, but had to take responsibility for practising myself.
For me the follow up workshop was essential to get back on track. I felt a little drained following the beginners and didn't follow up with the practices sessions that I had committed to - the follow up workshop was just the jolt I needed to get me back on track.
I left the workshop feeling really pleased that I had returned and felt better equipped to tackle my training, however it was tainted with a little disappointed that I hadn't made the giant strides forwards that I had hoped. Little did I know that the tools and experience I had gained over the weekend were about to pay dividends in a big way only a few hours later!
I resolved that on my journey home I would continue to visit and take in any toilets that I passed, and then fluid load ready for the service station that I pass driving home.
I fluid loaded (probably more than intended) and resolved to give it a go. For me, using public urinals whilst others are present let alone whilst others were using a urinal was something I had never been successful in a public environment.
However as I approached the toilets with an urgency of about 9, I all of a sudden felt a degree of confidence never felt before - I began to think this was going to happen.
I walked into the toilets, following another man in. He took up the nearest urinal, so I headed to the far end and went through the drill - and then.....success!!!!
I think the best way to describe what this felt like is to put a copy of the email that I sent to Andrew immediately after (pasted below). But suffice to say, this would not have been possible without the follow up workshop. I now can't wait to practice more (I've repeated the success again this evening!) and am looking forward to meeting up with the other guys from the course for further practice.
If you're wondering if a follow up workshop is worth it, then I would thorough encourage you to do it!
Finally apologies for the language below - there was a lot of adrenaline flowing!!!
"I felt the need to send you an immediate email! I decided to continue the desensing on the way home, with some fakes and success using the train toilet.
However, I then fluid loaded for a practice at the services which I drive past on the way home.
I was at about a 9 for urgency, and in a state of fu#k it, I need to piss. I don't give a crap anymore! I walked in and a man walked in in front of me, but I decided I was in cockpit mode and on a mission.
I took up a urinal with probably 5 spaces between us and I slightly turned away. After a couple of seconds delay all of a sudden the flow started - strong and fast. I wanted to punch the air right there and then!!!
Another man came and stood between us, so I stopped the flow and started again!
What an incredible feeling - I have no previous memory of this situation, absolutely no reference, so I'm just trying to savour the moment!
I'm sat in the car, about to head home, but wanted to send you an email to share this success story, that had just made my day, weekend and year all in one go!
I will share my thoughts on the whole weekend on the forum, including this note, but for now a huge thank you for everything you do with UKPT. I've got a couple of days of leave next week which I am going to use for desensing and it can't come soon enough now!"
Re: Feedback from the Manchester Follow Up Workshop, November 2016
I attended the beginners workshop in Manchester in January this year and I was so amazed with my progress on that workshop that I vowed to stick with my action plan to desense as often as possible. Unfortunately after initially sticking with my plans I took on some new commitments which meant I had less time to devote to my desensing. After several missfires I started to let my mind get the better of me and I soon found myself heading back to my coping strategies. Soon I was pretty much back to square one and the beginners workshop was a distant memory.
I have kept an eye on this discussion board and having seen the brilliant progress of others from my beginners workshop due to their commitment (yes that's you Karl!) I knew I had to get back into it and this follow up in Manchester was the perfect opportunity.
All the guys on the workshop were great; easy to get on with and open to discuss our issues. If you've ever been on a workshop then you'll understand the benefit of just being able to discuss paruresis with like minded folks.
Being a follow up workshop it is much less structured than the beginners and there's a lot less 'classroom' time and much more desensing. I was initially a little concerned of this 'over to you guys' set up but I am pleased to say I didn't have to be. The desensing sessions worked well and it was good that you were not always desensing with the same guy/s, in our group of 5 we often swapped around and went along with different buddies.
As a group we also decided that it would be good if we could all get together once every month or 2 to chat and tour the toilets as you do! The thinking behind that is that it'll be like a very informal follow up workshop but without the added expense of hotel rooms, time off etc.. Just a return train ticket to a convenient city for us all. This might be worth others considering if you struggle to find local pee buddies?
Anyway, just like the beginners I was again amazed at my progress and I left with a determination that I will not let this slide again! After leaving the group on Sunday I popped into the weatherspoons on my way back to the station and comfortably peed at the urinals with 4 other guys in there. I also went to my local shopping centre last night after fluid loading and managed to successfully use a urinal 6 out of 6 times! It was quiet though and they were empty more often that not so not exactly challenging but it's all recorded in my new diary all the same! :-)
For anyone who has been on a beginners and have let it slide a bit then I strongly suggest you get yourself on a follow up, it's definitely worth it!
Thanks to Andrew and Mark for leading the workshop and thank you to all the other attendees for a very positive weekend, I hope to see you all soon for some more toilet tours!
jamie
Re: Feedback from the Manchester Follow Up Workshop, November 2016
Completely agree with Chris and Jamie's comments who have summed up the workshop very eloquently. Having attended the London beginners workshop in May, and left with great intentions, I too was lapsing back into bad habits so was really keen to get back into a routine.
This workshop was less formal and less daunting than the beginners and, being a small group, we quickly gelled. As already commented we plan to meet up to continue the progress we made. Andrew and Mark provided excellent guidance and support with regular refreshers on what was taught at the beginners. The de-sensing went well and continued in the Wetherspoons for an hour or so on Saturday evening! It was actually very theraputic for a few blokes to openly discuss AP in a pub, share common experiences and even find aspects of humour in our condition.
Since getting back I've gone back to practising with renewed determination helped by Network Rail having kindly renovated the gents in my local train station and put in dividers! I know it's not all plain sailing and had a misfire yesterday. However today I've been 3 times including one time when there was someone else in the toilet and I was on an urgency level of about 6/7. For me, that's real progress.
I now fully understand why the trust encourages you to attend a follow up workshop - it's definitely worth it.
Re: Feedback from the Manchester Follow Up Workshop, November 2016
Like Chris, I attended the September Manchester workshop and I had already mentally committed to going on the immediate follow-up workshop before even stepping foot in the beginners. I left the beginners workshop feeling like a massive weight was off my shoulders and I was finally able open up about my parusesis to a few close people (with the key bit of advice from the workshop being 'tell people who you trust and need to know', making this loads easier) but found it difficult to put what I had learned into practice. I still found myself making a beeline for the cubicles and had not committed to any real desensing practice by the time the follow-on rolled around - I'd made such great leaps forward in the beginners workshop but probably jumped in a bit too deep after coming back and very quickly couldn't put one foot in front of the other to head in the right direction. I decided not to get worked up about it , since I knew this is often a two steps forward, one step back kind of thing - simply being able to accept my AP was more than enough of an improvement from pre-beginners, so the follow-on for me was all about desensing and understanding more about how I can tackle this on my own (as well as going there being a real kick up the arse to myself). Thankfully these were the two things we focussed on! We were all raring to go and desense so got lots of practice in over the weekend, with time in between to freshen up on any topics we hadn't remembered quite so well - think group discussions, rather than seminars this time.
As the other guys have said, we were a small group and gelled really quickly; as per the beginners we were all of varying ages, with different interests and so forth but found common ground for both AP and non-AP base conversation - I can say I genuinely enjoyed our time as a group together, irrelevant of how useful the workshop was! Note: If you haven't picked up yet, it was very useful.
Since coming back I have made an effort to use urinals where I can, with some success - the key difference to before being that I'm much more likely to try a urinal first (and if I don't, I always wish I did - there's no way to know if I'll succeed if I don't give myself the chance to!). I still have a long way to go in terms of my self motivation but the follow-on workshop has definitely given me the tools to help support myself.
If you're thinking about going to a follow-up workshop, I recommend you just commit to it. Honestly even the social aspect of being with people who understand AP and being able to talk freely/find humour in it is worth it in my eyes, let alone all of the primary benefits...
Re: Feedback from the Manchester Follow Up Workshop, November 2016
Sorry to read things had slipped back for you but have faith in you that you can get positively get back into the programme and begin to deal and later begin to beat your paruresis. I am feeling depressed this morning with one thing and another so was very warmed to see you mention my name and are inspired by my progress.
I am glad you have got a diary now and as it is coming up to a new year i urge everyone who has been to the latest workshop to get a diary ready to begin documenting from January 1st 2017! I have not missed a single day out in my diary and often take a piece of paper with me to note my coding system when i have come out of the gents so i don't forget how i got on when i have got home and i can make an accurate entry in my diary.
Almost every night i revise the paruresis test i made for myself to help with my learning difficulties. I get 99% almost every time but keep revising nevertheless to keep on top of things because "determination and persistence" plus Scooter's rules to "believe, decide, fully commit" are all essential parts of the programme.
I'm Nick, I'm Italian. I haven't attended any workshop, but I'm trying with Andrew's help to ameliorate my situation. I share completely your happiness. It can seem stupid, but managing to urinate when a man is already urinating in a close urinal is a conquest. I managed some times in the past, and I managed some days ago in a public toilet with urinal without dividers. Go along.
Re: Very Good, Chris
Posted by Tom on 28/11/2016, 4:07 pm, in reply to "Very Good, Chris"
Hello you lot. Hope you are all doing well ( de-sensing ) Sorry I've been a bit slack In adding my thanks. Thank you to andrew and mark for running the weekend. They answered all the questions we threw at them. It's given me the push to keep on de-sensing in small steps.
I've been attempting to pee with others and having some success with a fair few urinals between me and them which is very positive.
The guys who were on the workshop with me were brilliant to get to know and hope you are all feeling good.