This Discussion Board is for men who
find it difficult or impossible to urinate in a public or social situation. Women should use the women's Board.
The Board is maintained and moderated by the
U.K. Paruresis Trust. Registered Charity no: 1109541.
For
further information, visit our website, or contact us at
I have suffered from paruresis for many years now in fact I can’t remember when I first started to have issues. I’m in my mid thirties getting on with life and generally enjoying things. I have learned to live with my paruresis so I make sure that when I’m at work I use the cubicles or if they are too busy I will use the disabled toilet. When I go out I will go to the toilet when I know people won’t be in there and if they are I will use the cubicle and if I still can’t go I will wait for people to leave or I will sit down which some times helps.
I consider my paruresis to be mild most of the time. I can’t ever urinate in the urinal I don’t even try to now. even when no one is in the toilet I still can’t go in the urinal because I’m anxious about people entering the room. However I can go when I’m in a cubicle with other people in the toilet about 50% of the time and then for the other 50% of the time I need to wait for people to leave the toilet before I can go. It all depends on how relaxed I feel.
But my situation gets a little worse. If the above scenario was the end to the story then I would just live with it because to be honest I’ve had it for so long I’m content with the fact that I struggle to urinate in public toilets I just deal with it and I have an amazing capacity to hold wee I can store at least 2 litres in my bladder which is probably down to this condition.
However I have been in the military for 12 years and as a result I’m required to participate in random drug tests. In the last 12 years I have been tested twice (which is a lot less than average) and both experiences were horrific. I shall explain the process;
CDT will turn up to camp a tannoy will be made letting everyone on camp know that CDT are here and movement off camp is forbidden. You’re then asked to go the area where the drug testing is being held usually the gym. Some times they will call you in-in batches other times it will be a free for all. When you get to the gym you’re called forward and they read you your rights and tell you that you will produce a sample for testing and you’re then escorted to the toilets by an observer who will watch you urinate into a plastic beaker ensuring that it’s your own wee and that you haven’t tampered with it. If you can’t urinate then you go to a separate area of the gym to sit on the naughty bench until you can go.
Now for me as soon as that tannoy is made I start to feel very uncomfortable and nervous because I know that I will struggle to produce a sample. On the 2 occasions when I was tested I was there for around 3 hours and I tried to produce a sample numerous times. The last time I drank so much water I was in physical pain my stomach was massive due to the water, my lower back was aching and I still couldn’t go. On both occasions the CDT people couldn’t understand why I was having issues and let me use the cubicle with the door shut and with no one else in the toilet but this was after hours of trying; I think they go fed up with me because this is against there procedures as far as I can tell. However even with this I was so stressed out over the whole situation that it still took me around 20 minutes to produce a sample in a cubicle on my own.
Mean while my work colleagues all came and went and saw that I was having issues that left me feeling humiliated and embarrassed. If you can’t produce a sample they assume that you’re guilty. I even asked the CDT people if there’s another way a blood test, a hair test something else but they were unable to offer another method.
After this happened I was so stressed and upset I went to the medical centre and booked an appointment to see my doctor. I saw him the next day and explained my issues to him. At first he was dismissive but when I started to explain how I felt he started to listen but he was unable to offer any advice at that point. He asked me to come back in a weeks time.
I made another appointment to see him the following week; he spoke to the military mental health department for advice who advised him to refer me to a psychologist. So at the moment I’m waiting for an appointment with the psychologist who can hopefully help me.
But in the meantime I was called to see OC admin who informed me that my urine sample was too dilute for analysis so next time CDT arrive I will be tested (sometimes they will test a certain percentage of random people on camp) and if my sample is dilute they will investigate into why this has happened twice – whatever that means. The whole process made me feel guilty and I feel that they now think I have something to hide.
I’m at the point now that if CDT come I will refuse to give a sample on medical grounds because I’m not willing to go through what I went through last time but that will get me into a world of s*it. I know that CDT can take hair and blood tests but they don’t because it’s too expensive. I agree with the military drug testing policy but due to my paruresis I can’t produce a sample under the necessary conditions.
I just want some advice as to where I stand on a legal basis as this could impact my career massively and I’m starting to feel more and more anxious about CDT turning up when I’m at work. I don’t have a formal medical diagnosis and with mental health provision being quite poor in the military it might take a while to see a psychologist.
You will see that the Home Office has procedures in place to deal with paruresis in prisons. Which begs the question as to why the military do not. I suppose it is because a guy with paruresis can commit a crime and get sent to prison, but would be unlikely to enlist in the Army; hence the military do not getto deal with guys like us much. But that is no reason why they cannot acquaint themselves with it.
So point them to our website at www.ukpt.org.uk.
Point out that: 1. The UK Paruresis Trust is a a registered charity. 2. That our trustees include a clinical psychologist and a medical doctor. 3. That the condition was first researched and identified back in 1950s (yes) and documentted in a professional journal. 4. That you want to pee, but the autonomic nervous system overrides your voluntary control by closing the urethral sphincter. Stage fright is a siomilar thing. 5. That other means of drug testing are available, e.g. saliva testing, which do not invade personal privacy. Who wants to watch someone peeing?! (This is especially the case with women who are expected to pee with their legs apart so the observer can verify there is no tampering!)
If you send me an address I can send you copies of our glossy brochure which can be handed out as necessary.
As you say the CDT organisations dont want to be bothered with providing other methods. So I think your approach with the military is to put the ball in their court by stating that the CDT people are not doing their job right.
Can you get to a GP outside the military? you might get to a clinical psychologist more quickly that way?
Can you get out for one of our weekend workshops? That would move you forward by improving your peeing ability.
Its getting late so I’ll close off now. But get back to me wont you.
