This Discussion Board is for men who
find it difficult or impossible to urinate in a public or social situation. Women should use the women's Board.
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U.K. Paruresis Trust. Registered Charity no: 1109541.
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I felt I needed a penis enlargement in part to try and help me with my paruresis which I had suffered with for many, many years. I went to my doctor to discuss going about this and he told me I had to have counselling first. I was too embarrassed to do this but my g.p persuaded me to go along with it and I saw a counsellor for over a year. It was very embarrassing and not helped when I would get laughed at by the counsellor whilst discussing how my size had been and was making me feel. I had to see my g.p in between appointments to chat about this problem and he laughed at me several times too. Following this I was referred to a top urologist whom is very respected amongst his peers. He also made me see a counsellor to my further embarrassment. All this time consuming procedure caused me great stress especially as I had nobody to talk to about it. If I told a friend or girlfriend I would of been laughed at too. Eventually I had surgery and at first glance was very happy with the result. Then, I noticed that part of my penis was out of shape and was noticeable to anyone who may see it e.g girlfriend, nurse, doctor, and anyone in a public changing room or showers. When I went for my check up with the urologist I mentioned this to him and he decided I needed further surgery to put me back into shape. The procedure went ahead when they could book me in but it didn't fix the problem and worse than that it made my penis shrink a lot. As you all can imagine this made me feel even worse. My urologist didn't make me aware of any possible problems or tell me my penis would shrink if I had corrective surgery, in fact, the only thing I was told about was that I could get an infection and it was one of the assessing nurses and not my consultant who spoke of this much to my annoyance and distress. As it happens, I did get a post-op infection and it took months of medication to finally eliminate it. Over the last few years I have struggled every day to get by and I feel very down and distressed every day even now, and no, the surgery didn't help my paruresis after all. I wanted to share this with you because in the workshop there is a page about size and enlargement and I wanted you all to know from personal experience that surgery is not a simple option.
In the workshop it mentions the illusion that looking down on one's penis make it looks smaller than everyone else's and that looking into a mirror will show you the true size of your penis. The consultant told me exactly the same thing and he and the workshop are absolutely right.
If my experience hasn't put you off then I think you all should also know that you are not allowed to masturbate for six weeks!!! following the surgery. "I couldn't do that" I hear you all say!
It is also not as easy to get erections as it was pre-surgery and Viagra is also not a simple option to deal with this as it doesn't always work and causes side effects.
I would really appreciate it if anyone reading this could share their personal stories if they have had surgery that hasn't gone right and anyone who has size issues could post how it affects their life.
Cheers
Re: Size
Posted by Andrew on 21/10/2016, 10:29 am, in reply to "Size"
Hi
I am really sorry about the problems you have had and the anxiety it has caused. I hope you are aware that the issues you raise are outside the knowledge are of this charity, which is specifically about shy bladder. You may get quicker and more relevant support from the Mens Health forum, which includes size issues, at https://www.menshealthforum.org.uk
Good luck
Andrew
Re: Size
Posted by Dylan on 21/10/2016, 11:10 pm, in reply to "Size"
Im sorry to hear about your experience, I've had severe paruresis a long time but i have made vast improvements with fluid loading before exposure therapy. I hope the you can eventually get use to the result and it's good to see you tried to improve your self esteem and paruresis.
Re: Size
Posted by Karl on 30/1/2017, 11:24 am, in reply to "Size"
Hi David you're a big man for opening up and sharing your story with us! I'm sincerely sorry and sympathetic to hear your post-op and consultant problems. I've put a lot of time and thought into posting a response to you and it may help you to know that i'm a well endowed man but i suffer from paruresis too, so you see, size isn't everything and it may not of helped you had your op gone well. Before attending the workshop i tried https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Exposure_therapy for approx 2 years but it didn't work until after i had been to the UKPT workshop and learnt more about paruresis and how to deal with it. I would check out the https://www.menshealthforum.org.uk that Andrew has linked for you and continue to follow the UKPT workshop as it does pay off if you give it time and dedication. Click on this link to see a penis gallery http://www.channel4embarrassingillnesses.com/galleries/penis-gallery/ and there may be other penis galleries on the internet if you google. Focus on the small penis's in the gallery instead of the bigger one's to shift the focus in your mind that the majority of men are big when in fact they are not. I would recommend trying exposure therapy and here is a pattern similar to the one i have used. Got to a swimming pool during "Adult swim" and draw up a desensitisation hierarchie similar to the sample one's in the ukpt workshop, for e.g... If adult swim is 8.30-10pm, arrive at changing rooms for 8.30pm. The changing rooms are likely to be quieter which means you can choose where to change. Change in a corner and face the corner itself to gain maximum privacy. After swim, have a shower but leave swimshorts on. After shower, return to locker, dry and dress yourself facing the corner again. Repeat process every visit til you feel comfortable to move up a level of challenge.
Next step. Go to changing rooms at the same time to get a corner spot but this time don't face the corner, face the wall/locker ahead. After swim, repeat the process you did on step one for showering and drying/dressing only this time face the wall/locker ahead instead of the corner. Once again, repeat the process before moving up a hierarchie.
Next step, repeat the previous changing room time and pre-swim process. After swim, have a shower but this time use end/corner shower and wash the top half of yourself with swimshorts on. Then, face the corner, remove shorts and wash the waist down. Once finished, wrap towel around waist if it's at hand or leave shower holding shorts in front of your genitals til you can cover yourself up with your towel. Repeat the previous step's drying/dressing process.
Next step. Repeat changing room time and process but remove swimshorts once you are in the shower and face the wall ahead of you (as you do when changing) to wash yourself. Repeat the previous step's drying/dressing process.
Next step. Repeat pre-shower routine and then shower but this time was yourself with your back towards the wall. Once showered, repeat the previous step's post-shower process.
Next step. Repeat all of the last step's but this time face away from the wall/locker to dry and get dressed.
Final steps. Go on different days/times, use different parts of the bench to change, and use different showers.
During the whole of this process you may gradually desense from being in public changing rooms and showers. Sometimes you will unavoidably come into the line of sight of other me's genitals and notice that no-one is laughing at or teasing them if they are small which means men are unlikely to laugh at you either. Men may not laugh at you for the following reasons...
* they are or perceive themselves to be small * they won't want you to know they have seen your penis in case you think they are gay * they won't want you to know they have seen your penis in case you think they are a pervert * they are sympathetic you are small and are not amused * they just don't think anything of it * they know we are all different sizes * they know you can't help being small * they have grown out of laughing/teasing small men * they are mature so feel no need to laugh
If you can desense in public changing rooms you will become more relaxed about being seen because you will become less conscientious over time. As with public toilets, remember the workshop says people are paying attention to themselves, they have more interesting things on their minds such as worries, work etc.
Wishing you a happier future
Karl
Extremely Commendable Sharing - Re: Size
Posted by GaryLA on 12/2/2017, 3:19 pm, in reply to "Re: Size"
Dear David and Karl -- You are both so extremely admirable courageous outstanding honest compassionate commendable in your amazing frank humble candor to share your painful difficult deep positive beneficial experiences which were so extremely enlightening poignant admirable commendable mind opening. Very Best Wishes to BOTH of you from a paruresis member in USA!!!!
Thank you so kindly Gary. I must say i am very touched by your message. Indeed, i had to be extremely courageous at the beginning of my exposure therapy but then hit things head on to deal with the problem and to tackle it as quickly as possible. Good luck to you if you try any of the methods on my post.
