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Feedback from Manchester Beginners workshop, September 2016
Posted by John on 18/9/2016, 7:58 pm
Hi all
Not long got back from the beginners workshop today and wanted to post this while the experience is fresh in the mind.
Firstly, I just want to say thanks to Andrew and Ian for volunteering their time this weekend. They were great at putting a room of anxious men - all of us of varying ages and descriptions - at ease and created a safe space where we could discuss and learn about AP. Before the workshop I’d never told anyone about my AP, so even just being in a room where we could talk about and admit to our AP felt like a wall coming down in outwardly accepting that it’s something I suffer with.
I’ve suffered with AP since sometime in my early teens (I’m now 24) but it took me until the start of this year to even bring myself to Google why I couldn’t pee in public…and a few more months of reading posts on this message board to pluck up the courage to email about coming to a workshop, but I'm glad I did! Before the workshop urinals were totally out of the question and I would struggle with cubicles in certain situations but over the course of the workshop I was able to work up to peeing urinals with strangers present. This is leaps and bounds above what I would’ve thought I’d achieve but I know now that the challenge lies in transferring my progress to my everyday life. Thankfully I now have a set of tools and knowledge to pull from to help on that journey!
If you’re hesitant about going to a workshop, as I was, all I can do is to urge you to go. The anxiety of booking and making your way to the workshop isn’t something you can get away from but I can safely say that it very quickly leaves after you arrive and the positives soon outweigh those initial anxious feelings.
Hopefully you have got something out of this if you’re thinking about booking on a workshop and thanks to everyone who attended with me for being so welcoming!
John
Re: Feedback from Manchester Beginners workshop, September 2016
I’d like to add to what John has said. I found it really hard to believe that attending a workshop could be anything other than a bad idea. I’m 48 and have been suffering from shy bladder since I was about 14, possibly even before. I’ve no idea how this ever happened, but have learnt to live my life with a whole host of different coping and avoidance strategies, I generally manage to get by but always at the expense of so much - particularly social things.
The environment that is created within the group is very safe, and it’s amazing just to be amongst other guys of varying ages who share such similar anxieties (so I'm not the only one?!!). I was utterly and completely blown away by what I achieved over the weekend, and also feel I’ve made a few new friends to keep in touch with and hopefully meet with a view to supporting each other over the coming months.
Having now tasted success and equipped with the knowledge and tools to build on that success I feel far more empowered and hugely encouraged - it's like the clouds parted and I saw the blue sky for the first time in many, many years. Where previously I would only imagine going into a stall in a public place and then very uncertain about whether I could pee, I now see that as a fall-back with a much higher chance of success. But I now genuinely feel I have other options to consider – including urinals for the first time. But I've also learnt the importance of taking each situation as I find it and not being anxious about what I then decide to do.
Like John, I’m so grateful to Andrew and Ian for the time, patience and understanding they demonstrated, and also for the more social side to the weekend that we enjoyed too.
If you’re thinking about this but not quite there yet, ask yourself one question. “What do I have to lose”. I know first hand how much I have lost out on over the years, but this is a safe environment to learn and challenge yourself in and I’m genuinely excited about building on the successes and moving forward – day by day… Hopefully I'll be reporting back on that success over the coming months!
Re: Feedback from Manchester Beginners workshop, September 2016
Hi all Guess I'd like to start off in thanking Ian and Andrew, the workshop leaders - it's their tireless efforts that mean this was the 91st workshop that's been run, helping over 500 people (or 3-4 full pubs worth of people!). They clearly have plenty of experience and over the past few years must have honed in the way in which they go about these workshops - I guarantee you whatever specific situations you find yourself consistently unable to pee, it's not stupid, or something to be embaressed about, someone at a workshop will have experienced the same problem before and these guys will know how to make you feel comfortable and ultimately help.
My personal experience before the workshop was pretty bad - I'm 18 and I was too afraid of the toilet situation to ever feel comfortable going on nights out - in fact I'm going off to uni very shortly so my main motivation behind coming was to help me towards a situation where I'd feel reassured that I wouldn't have to make a sudden dash home because the toilets weren't any use to me.
I could only ever go in a public place if I were in a cubicle, the door locked and there was a decent seat on the toilet (I could only go sitting down) so the main thing I wanted to work on was transferring from being in situations where previously I could only go sitting down, to being able to stand up (let's face it, the cubicles in a night club are highly unlikely to ever feature a working seat!). While on the workshop however, I was absolutely delighted to find myself peeing in urinals! With actual other human beings just going about their business also! (Like seriously, life goals or what?!) I now find myself thinking completely differently - not just emptying my bladder before I go out in the hope I'd be home before it got too uncomfortable, but avidly drinking more so I can challenge myself to go in a urinal, knowing I can happily use a cubicle as a fall back and for the first time ever suggesting to a friend we should go clubbing.
I feel I must stress however that this workshop isn't some miracle cure, I'm sure if you're reading this you'll be quite unsurprised it's different in the company of people you know, compared to the (relative) safety of the workshop, but I now have an action plan I am going to go about with and definitely keep up the momentum. This whole process is certainly quite 2 steps forward, 1 step back - but in my mind that's still one massive step further forward than I'd have been if I'd decided not to go at all.
Now if you're still reading (I have rambled on a bit sorry) that either means you've already attended a workshop and are seeing how far someone else came, or you (or maybe even someone you know) are in the situation I was in a few months ago, relating to the stories on this discussion board and finally coming to the conclusion that this is what I have, there's no easy fix and the workshop is the best way forward - it took me far too long to realise this so please, please I urge you to learn from my mistake, you won't regret it.
Re: Feedback from Manchester Beginners workshop, September 2016
I want to (hopefully) add to my great weekend journey partners wrote. A few notes to point out:
- The feeling to have an open conversation to a topic that was in my deepest layer of sham kept hidden carefully. Is ...
- It was like landing in Yuda's swamp and getting Jedi training (star wars II) (Judging from the situations I would avoid on Friday morning in contrast to the challenging situations i marched into on my way back.
- I have traveled from Israel for the sole purpose of this workshop, while telling lies to my surrounding (only my wife knows the reason) and paid (invested) in total GBP...
It was defiantly worth it!
Bless you to Andrew and Ian, that offer us (all) this rescue rope.
Ori
Re: Feedback from Manchester Beginners workshop, September 2016
Decided to try out on the M40 services today what we learnt in the workshop. Urgency of 6 (those who attended will understand). Decided it wouldn't matter if I peed or not, just took my place at a urinal (remembering the etiquette!) and absorbed the environment. I didn't go, but on this occasions I wasn't bothered - it didn't matter. Thought I'd head up to the next junction and then back home via the services on the opposite side. I hadn't anticipated that the next junction would be closed however!! 20 miles later I was eventually back at the opposite services and absolutely bursting to go. Normal strategy, even in those circumstances? Use a stall - without a shadow of a doubt... But this time I found a urinal that met the rules and went without any hitch. So I kept some back, went out, loitered for a few mins and then went again at another urinal. It was busy too - lunchtime, lots of guys coming and going and using the urinals close to mine... So now I'm feeling on top of the world - as far back as I can remember it's the first time that I've used a urinal in a services, I felt just like one of the 'pack', and on top of the world. The stall remains an option when needed, but no longer the only one. I'm looking forward to more practice work...
Also, I'm still thinking about all we learnt last weekend, but two particular points helped today. Firstly, it wasn't just the theory and practicing, but also understanding the psychology of the guys who don't have AP - I saw everything we'd talked about today and it really helps reduce any feeling of intimidation and normalise things. Secondly, although our group came together for one weekend, I came away feeling we'd known each other for months!! As such, I no longer feel alone in this - it actually felt as though I could still hear words of encouragement whilst I was giving it a go... Thanks again Andrew and Ian - and the rest of you for that!!!
(P.S - I'm not planning on documenting every success on the board, but this one was very special to me - it proved that what we'd learnt actually works, and that reinforces my determination to push on to new levels and situations. I would however urge anyone who is struggling with this condition to understand that they're not alone, but also that they can begin to change things through attending one of the beginners workshops - never thought I'd hear myself saying that - wasn't at all convinced it could work after at least 35 years of having this!!)