This Discussion Board is for men who
find it difficult or impossible to urinate in a public or social situation. Women should use the women's Board.
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Posting this because - well I hope because it might help me to share it and I've really never spoken or written about it before even though it's part of my life.
When I first googled shy bladder syndrome I came across the idea that it might be down to something in childhood. I remember at primary school age I was very prone to claustrophobia, and the worst claustrophobia was to do with toilets. I was terrified that I could be locked in, with the lights out, or that something would come up from underneath me in the toilet bowl, or that the cistern of a traditional pull-the-chain toilet would come away from the wall and crash down on my head.
Somehow as I got older I managed to put the lid on all of these fears. And then instead I stopped being able to pee in public. It came on fairly suddenly, and I can date it because I remember it happening at a family event which would have been when I was 14. That's not far from being 40 years ago now.
When I was at university I sought out toilets which weren't heavily used and where I had a good chance of being alone when I needed to. And I also figured out that people don't mind and often don't notice if you go into a cubicle just to pee.
The trouble, and the reason that I'm posting this now after all these years, is that this condition does vary in its severity. When it's mild, I can manage in cubicles even if they have thin walls. When it's mild, I've been able to manage on flights though not recently. When it's severe, all sorts of settings and causes of anxiety can cause me to lock up. So I'm really looking for a way at least to reduce its severity.
Re: My story
Posted by M_R on 2/8/2016, 10:55 pm, in reply to "My story"
Also - it's interesting to read the other stories and to contribute, and good to know that there are some other 50-ish men who have dealt with this, but right now reading the message board is making me more anxious and not less! I still hope that it'll be for the best in the long run
Re: My story
Posted by Andrew on 3/8/2016, 5:17 pm, in reply to "Re: My story"
Hi M
Glad you felt able to tell your story here; it is so important to get it off one's chest, and most guys find it a help to do so.
You mention "putting a lid on all these fears". Unfortunately that does not get rid of them and, as you have found out, they can come out in other forms - in your case the social anxiety of peeing.
You say reading this Board is making you more anxious and not less. That is not unusual; after all, if you have found a way of living with your paruresis, and so not having to think about it much, reading this board may be bringing back the memories of bad experiences. But the fact that you have been looking, have found the UKPT, have read this Board, suggests it is a nuisance that you want to do something about.
Hopefully from what you have read, you now know that CBT is the recommended approach; and that it is the approach used on our workshops. Our next one is in September - if you are quick you can still get a place on it. So many guys come on the workshop and say at the end that they had found out about them years ago, and are kicking themselves for not coming along then, instead of suffering with it for the intervening years.
Have a think and get back to me.
cheers
Andrew
Re: My story
Posted by M_R on 4/8/2016, 12:53 am, in reply to "Re: My story"
Andrew:
Thank you for responding. I'm sure a workshop would help but wonder if I should be looking at the January workshop as I'm in London anyway. It would also be tied up with the whole thing of talking about it to my family because going away for the weekend on my own isn't the sort of thing that I would normally do!
You are of course right that these demons/fears never go away and that everything I've read points to CBT being the best option.
Strangely, I don't particularly feel the need to defeat it completely but I would really like to get to the stage where it's in its mildest form. That would be my baby steps
M
My response to M R
Posted by Nick on 22/11/2016, 11:29 am, in reply to "Re: My story"
Dear M R me too, I'm 53. I've been paruretic since childhood. But read my whole story I've recently posted in three parts. I've much improved my situation by gradual exposure.