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Blog following on from follow up workshop March 2016
Posted by Karl on 4/4/2016, 10:43 am Edited by board administrator 6/4/2016, 2:09 pm
Hi everybody and welcome to my follow-up blog.
So my action plan had begun on Sunday 31st January 2016 when the beginners workshop ended. Here's what happened next...
As recommended in the workshop paperwork, i bought a diary and documented my day to day visits to the toilet and used a simple coding system to categorize the different places i had been to the toilet. It was important to put the workshops ideas into practice and visiting many different toilets was part of the agenda.
Seven weeks on and the date was Friday 18th March 2016 when the beginners follow-up workshop began. Before i entered the meeting room i tallied up all the times i'd visited the toilet and these were my results...
P.U (Public Urinal): 108 visits, 1 misfire, 3 latent P.C (Public Cubicle): 35 visits, no misfires Mate's House: 45 visits, no misfires Home: No misfires
Workshop Time: I entered the meeting room to be pleasantly greeted by Ian once again, plus Andrew, new trainee tutor George, and two new A.P counterparts. Soon after followed four other new A.P counterparts plus one from my beginners workshop and once again we were men of all ages. It wasn't daunting to meet so many new people with A.P, it was joyful and inspiring, especially as some of them had been to follow-up workshops before and showed you don't have to be afraid to ask for help and it doesn't matter how many times you have been to a workshop, it's okay to try and try again. That same boat from the previous workshop had arrived again and was about to sail us on a new journey.
The tutors recapped over method's from the first workshop with us so our minds were refreshed and then we started a new schedule. Over the weekend i went out into the field (as it were) for the first time seeing i had progressed in my hierarchies of challenge. The previous workshop and the things i had learnt over the previous seven weeks successfully made me confident and not anxious. We were split up into groups and each group had a tutor with them who took us on a very well planned and steady timetable. Later on we reconvened at the meeting room to discuss how we got on and no-one thought less of you if you didn't do well, they all supported you.
During the weekend you are also given enjoyable chill time and social evenings to chat, laugh, and bond with each other.
I tackled my safety behaviours head-on during this process because i am determined that i am going to defeat A.P, it is not going to defeat me.
If i have to use a safety behaviour i will not be disappointed in myself. Recovering from long term A.P is a learning experience and i am doing my best to learn everything i possibly can. Persistence and Determination!
In the workshop we are taught about relaxation and how to try and control it when trying to use a public toilet. It's only since this that i have become aware that my shoulders are up and unrelaxed. I now take a breath and find that my shoulders drop down. I have to repeat this process as many times as necessary and it can make some difference.
Right now as i write this blog i realise i am in an uptight mode so spotting this is becoming easier. Before the workshop i would go into a gents and when i was alone trying to start to pee i have suffered from what i have recently decided to call "Entrance door anxiety". This is when i worry that someone or more than one person is going to walk in and stand at a urinal near me before i have started to pee because when this happens i cannot pee. I can often get jumpy when someone walks in due to my anxiety.
Now i hope that the door will open because it will help me to desense when someone else is in the proximity. I seem to be able to start peeing with very little if any latency so when someone comes in i can continue and leave when i am ready.
I have trouble peeing at home because i live in a block of four flat's and live on the top floor so when i walk in and out of my bathroom or use the toilet my neighbors in the flat below can hear me because the floorboards creek and are thin so do not give me any privacy. I find it especially difficult to pee when i go into my toilet not realising one of my neighbor's is using his toilet because i have music on so didn't hear him.
At night when i need to go i now whisper to myself "I will now follow the stream and the shadow". This is because i noticed the shadow of my stream one day and have focused on that to distract me of my negative thoughts.
Of course, the rational way to think is there are times when i am using my toilet and one of my neighbors below go and begin to use there's and seeing as i don't think anything when this happens, why should i think anything when things are the opposite way around!
Re: Blog following on from follow up workshop March 2016
I'm tried this recently... Instead of thinking "my pee buddy can hear me peeing", i thought "my pee buddy can hear my success of peeing".
Therefore when i use a public toilet and there's a man or men close to me instead of thinking "he/they can hear me" i have thought "i can hear of my success!". It distracts me a little from thinking what other men might be thinking when i am at a urinal.