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Posted by Matt on 20/3/2016, 9:51 pm Edited by board administrator 20/3/2016, 11:21 pm
Hi everyone, my name is Matt and I am 23 years old. I attended the beginners workshop in January 2016 and then the follow up workshop in March 2016. I have suffered from paruresis for what seems like a life time. When I was younger I played for a professional football club (academy level). The first memory I have of having the problem was not being able to pee in the changing room with others there, (whether it be the coach or fellow team mates). This meant holding a full bladder for a full game or sometimes even faking injury so I didn't have to play. The paruresis got to me that much I ended up quitting and having a big fall out with my parents about it because to them the situation was that, 'i wasn't enjoying it and hated playing football'. I never told them the problem. I never did anything about it at the time because I just thought I was weird. What did I know, I was only 16. As my late teens and early 20s went by it seemed to get worse and worse and meant I stopped going out with friends as much. I decided to do something about it. After some research I found the UK paruresis trust and messaged Andrew about the beginners workshop. Before going I was very anxious and nervous about the kind of people I would be meeting. However as soon as I walked through the door and was greeted by Ian and Jonathan, I felt much more calm. There were people of all ages there too and they were all nice, understanding, caring people. The beginners workshop was fantastic for self confidence, and I found myself smiling and laughing quite alot. I was so pleased with how everything went I signed straight up to the follow up workshop, which just kicked me on another level. By the end of the follow up workshop I was bypassing strangers who were waiting for cubicles, to go pee in the urinal. One person was even waiting for another space to open up at the urinal because it seemed he didnt want to stand inbetween two people. I walked round him, stood inbetween the two people and did my business. It felt fantastic. 3 months ago, I never dreamed of that situation as it was sometimes hard for me to go in a cubicle with a locked door. As I left the workshop I stopped off at some busy shopping centre toilets not too far from my house. There were 3 urinals with one person at the left and one at the right, leaving the middle urinal free. I walked up nice and confident and did my business. I was so happy I treated myself to a milkshake!
Signing up to the workshop was probably the most daunting thing I have done, and turning up to it was one of the most nerve-wracking. However once you're there it just feels so natural and is such a wonderful environment. If you are a sufferer of AP and are unsure whether to sign up, I strongly urge you do so. It's probably the best thing I have done, and I cannot thank Andrew, Ian, Jonathon and George enough for all their help. I hope the AP sufferers reading this post can take confidence from my story and make the right decision for themselves .
Hi Matthew. Great to read your well written story... top marks!
What flavour milk shake did you have mate? A reward such as that is a really great idea, so well done for thinking of it!
On the first de-sensing day at the workshop i did very well but me and my pee buddy were both phased a little by a very busy gent's on the ground floor of the Arndale shopping centre. Yesterday i had time to kill before my train back home so i targeted that gent's on purpose and i was not going to misfire i was going to hit the damn bullseye!
There were 5 small wall mounted urinals at these gent's, 1, 2, and 4 were occupied, 3 and 5 were free. Normally my reaction would be to dash into a cubicle before anyone else entered the gent's and take the vacancy but this time i did not. I gathered that an unbothered non-a.p would occupy urinal number 5 rather than 3 because he would have the privacy of the wall on the right hand side but i did not do this either. Instead i confidently chose urinal number 3 and went through things in my mind i had been taught at the workshop. The urine didn't start immediately and i could hear the men either side peeing swimmingly. It took me about 7 seconds to start and as i learnt at the workshop that 7-14 seconds was in the normal range of a non-a.p i didn't worry and the flow came out very well. Success... wehhhhhh!!!!
I saw Paul at the train station so we had a brief chat. He too had gone back to the same gents and was able to use the urinals with other gent's present. Well done Paul!
Matt is absolutely correct that once you are at a workshop it feels so natural and that it is a wonderful environment.
This was my 2nd follow up workshop after attending in 2014. I decided after having a few of lives problems I would attend for a 2nd time. They say when you have fallen off the horse you need to get back on. This is exactly what I have done having suffered for 30 years it is hard to break the habits of a lifetime.I was amazed after my progress last time I have now moved to my next level. I was able to pee next to 2 guys in a busy train station I felt great I would like to thank the leaders Andrew,Ian and George. Good luck to all who attended this weekend. Lastly if you suffer then don't hesitate book a place on a workshop don't wait till it rules your life.
Well written Paul! It's great to read you were inspired to attend a 2nd workshop, not just for yourself but also for me if i need to attend further workshops in the future.
I hope the next level you have moved onto continues to be successful to you and i hope you can proceed onto further levels soon and rewardingly.
So nice to meet you and to be an A.P buddy with you for the weekend.
This is my first follow up workshop and took me 5 years to get around to it. My only regret was not doing it sooner.
It's amazing how I remembered the way the workshops were designed and how it didn't seem like 5 years ago since my last one. The major difference being that I knew more of what to expect so way less anxious.
I was also amazed how much of a difference 48 hours made to my life. So don't think it's a waste of your time if you'd only be at home watching tv.
Also what I was astonished with is that I was capable of way more than I imagined. My main breakthrough was when I was faking it at a urinal actually waiting for people to come in before I peed!!! While I was faking it I took a casual look around and found that no one was paying any attention to me at all! So it really didn't matter if I could pee or not.
I want to thank all the guys. This workshop really does make a difference to peoples lives.
Hi Steve it was nice top meet you at the workshop.
I am pleased to read you were capable of more than you imagined and i hope this positivity continues and helps you to beat A.P.
That's an interesting comment you have mentioned regarding faking and waiting out. I kept getting that normal feeling like every man gets that people were noticing me but that only lasted a couple of seconds and i urinated with a big focus on what i was doing. I used this thinking again when i was in the same position and other gent's toilets with the same success.
Hi Karl, did you have a safe trip back to Wales? It was a vanilla milkshake and it tasted wonderful! I know the toilets you are talking about, very tricky ones. I hope you treat yourself after that, well done mate!
Yes i did thanks Matt although the journey felt longer this time for some reason. Vanilla huh? don't think i have tried that one. I do have chocolate or strawberry milkshakes from time to time. Tricky toilets indeed but no point in running away from the tricky ones if we wish to conquer our A.P. I shall have to think of a treat as you suggest. Maybe i can try a vanilla milkshake!
Hi guys, just wanted to say thanks to everybody who attended the workshop and for Andrew, Ian and George for running a great workshop. Overall I feel that as a group we all made great improvements. Let's carry on the desensitisation and moving forward.
My new routine as there are no urinals at work is as follows: Firstly fluid load before getting to train station before work, once I get there head straight to the first toilet and drain a bit off, then go to the other toilet across the platform to drain rest. Whilst at work leave toilet door open. On way home ensure plenty of fluids in me and then head to train station toilets again. This afternoon it was quite busy. Got to urinal 1 and was a little anxious but got flowing n got the job done.
Stay positive everybody.
To anyone thinking of going on a workshop. Whatever age or level you think you may be at. Sign up sooner rather than later. It's a huge relief, very beneficial and will provide you with a variety of tools and help going forward. 👍👍
Hi Nick, so great to read your feedback and positive outlook.
Your new routine sounds really good and organised. I am pleased to hear you were able to use a urinal on your way home and hope you manage to continue moving forward...well done matey!
As Nick says everybody, the workshop provides you with a variety of tools and i am determined to knock my A.P on the head with a bloody great mallet!
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