U.K. PARURESIS TRUST

UK paruresis trust

This Discussion Board is for men who find it difficult or impossible to urinate in a public or social situation. Women should use the women's Board.
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paruresis is destroying my sons life

Posted by Carol Anderson on 21/7/2015, 11:13 pm

my son now 24 has suffered from this condition for over five years and has only recently been able to speak about it.he is currently off work and is waiting to see a psychotherapist which could take 7 months plus.he is now at the stage where he is housebound and seriously suicidal I just don't know what to do to help him.any advice would be gratefully received

Re: paruresis is destroying my sons life

Posted by Andrew on 22/7/2015, 10:31 am, in reply to "paruresis is destroying my sons life"

Hi Carol

What an extreme worry for you. So very quickly can you tell him, or get him to read this.

1. You are NOT unique; we all thought we were unique until we met others on this Discussion Board or on a workshop.

2. At the moment this condition is controlling you. The first step is to understand that it is due to an anxiety reaction, and so can be unlearnt. Go to our website www.ukpt.org.uk to read all about it.

3. You feel you have come to the end of the road; but that is not the case. Others have been where you are and have come back. Read Gabriel’s feedback here: http://members.boardhost.com/paruresisUK/msg/1385994414.html

4. Now go to your GP and ask to be shown how to self-catheterise. This uses a disposable lubricated sterile catheter that you carry in your pocket; you can then go into a bathroom or a public cubicle, use it to empty your bladder and then throw it away. It means you are no longer “trapped”. This is not intended as a long term solution; only as an insurance while you recover from the condition.

5. Like Gabriel did, get onto our weekend workshop: the next one is in London on Sept 25-27. That way you can start your recovery in a safe way.

In would help to know whereabouts in the UK you are.

Do keep in touch; you can do this on this board, or privately via the email address at the top of this page.

Andrew

Re: paruresis is destroying my sons life

Posted by Carol Anderson on 22/7/2015, 11:38 am, in reply to "Re: paruresis is destroying my sons life"

dear Andrew,thank you for your reply.we are based in Scotland.my son is 24 and is finding this situation unbearable.he has been in the same job since 16 and has his own flat.my concerns are growing every day and today I checked my PayPal account to discover he has ordered a helium gas canister and tubing so he can kill himself.i have just returned one of the packages but this is obviously just stalling things.he is very agoraphobic and won't leave the house which he will loose eventually if he doesn't go back to work,he is a builder by trade and this makes his paruresis impossible to cope with on building sites.i made a Drs appt for him today but everything seems to move so slowly up here and he is waiting on a referral from adult psychological services.Andrew I really don't know what to do as I have to take theses suicide threats seriously now.i really appreciate your advice as half of the Drs don't take this condition seriously or don't know much about it at all.yours Carol Anderson

Re: paruresis is destroying my sons life

Posted by Ian Harris on 22/7/2015, 1:21 pm, in reply to "Re: paruresis is destroying my sons life"

Carol - he is not on his own, there are literally thousands of such sufferers - most of whom think only they have this issue, but that's not true, its a very prevalent condition both in the UK and worldwide.... and in all sorts of professions, and yes I've come across builders aswell!
As Andrew explained, pl try and get him to come to one of our workshops and get help from others who totally understand.
Ian

Re: paruresis is destroying my sons life

Posted by Ann on 22/7/2015, 7:50 pm, in reply to "Re: paruresis is destroying my sons life"

Hi Carol - although this is the men's discussion board and it is your son who has paruresis, I just wanted to say that, as a woman with paruresis but also a mother of adult sons, I do feel for you. I hope that Andrew and Ian's words will prove helpful for your son. I think most people are very nervous about attending a workshop, but when I attended one I was amazed how quickly we all got to know each other, and it was a huge relief to be able to speak openly about paruresis with other people who had had similar experiences.
I do hope you're able to get some support for yourself too Carol - you are in a very stressful situation and it's important that you look after yourself as well.

Re: paruresis is destroying my sons life

Posted by Matt on 22/7/2015, 9:33 pm, in reply to "Re: paruresis is destroying my sons life"

Hi there Carol,
I suffered in silence with parauresis for years and was terrified of discussing it with anyone, but when I did I began my recovery. UKPT is a brilliant charity that helped me to overcome my parauresis and I now feel confident and happy. Please encourage your son to read the posts on this website. I had a lot of anxiety about attending a beginners workshop but it turned out to be one of the most amazing weekends of my life. It changed everything. Most sincerely,
Matt

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