This is me

Posted by Paul on 15/9/2014, 1:53 pm

I am 35,found this forum about 3years ago and realised I was not the only one with this problem have tried to think back to when this started it must of been round the time of 7 or 8 at school. It must of crept up slowly I think not really knowing what was happening I would start to avoid going to the toilet at school or if out. Remember being in the cub scouts and on holiday everyone would always go to the toilet together as kids do I would be told this is your last chance to go for hours but would say I was fine secretly needing to go. Fast forward to teen years and still the same problem through out college and early work. Have always been good at avoiding going to the toilet and going out drinking how would I manage. I have got very good a trying to judge if I think toilets would be busy or not and would pray that if I went then a friend would not say to me ye I will come with you this always seemed to happen for some reason or another. I would think how can I get round this one my heart would start thumping in my chest and would feel dizzy would walk in to the toilets with them talking to me but I would not be listening shall I walk to a cubicle what would they say or think?. I Would walk to the urinal or trough heart still thumping stand unzip and try to pee with them still talking to me nothing not even a drop and would just pretend that I had gone hoping they did not notice, then wash my hands and leave. Would always walk to the bar they would say another pint? I would be thinking where the hell is this going to go still got the last four stored in side. Anyway now at 35 have tried to work with myself can use cubicles can even now manage with the door open (read this here on the forum)but urinals tricky can start and go if they are empty but as soon as some one enters it's over. Took my 3 and a half year old nephew to a public toilet can pee in front of him I don't feel he will judge me sounds daft I know he needed to go but he could not i tried to help him but all the time I was thinking how can I convince him to go? I spoke to my wife together for 14 years never told her (can pee sat down in front of her but not standing) her response was yes I know about it have read your history on iPad this forum but she never mentioned it before. I told her I was thinking of booking a place on a workshop. So after all these years thinking I was the only person that this happened too I finally plucked the courage up to email and book a place on Manchester beginners workshop in 2 weeks am very nervous but at the same time looking forward to tackling this problem. So now I am not the only person who knows my wife dose and so do you! Sorry about the ramble but after all this time god it feels good to talk about it and get it off my chest. Paul