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Posted by Gabriel on 2/12/2013, 1:26 pm Edited by board administrator 2/12/2013, 6:08 pm
Hi all,
I just got back home from the London follow-up workshop with a feeling of immense gratefulness and a very positive outlook.
If someone had told six months ago that things would improve so quickly I never would have believed it. Back in June my paruresis was so severe that even peeing in my own home with no one around was a lengthy and difficult process. The very idea of a toilet gave me shivers down the spine, and I woke up every morning wondering how I would get through another day. Things had just kept getting worse and my life (and dreams!) were completely dictated by this problem. I eventually dropped out of school and gradually isolated myself from everyone. I was so hopeless that ending my life was an option I was considering more and more… I was also convinced that ultimately no one could help me, but I was so wrong...
I came across the UKPT website and decided that I had nothing to lose so I signed up for a beginners workshop. I was definitely apprehensive but realistically things hardly could've gotten worse... Retrospectively, I think joining a workshop was the best decision I ever made. The environment was really safe and friendly, and it was invaluable to realize that I wasn't alone in this boat: The other guys on the workshop could relate to my paruresis probably better than anyone else in the world. But most importantly, I made a LOT of progress in two days. Enough progress to make me realize that my paruresis was not permanent, and certainly enough progress to give me the will to fight it.
I just came back from the London follow-up workshop (two months after my beginners workshop) and I am amazed (and quite proud) that I was able to use public urinals, which was inconceivable before the workshop. Attending the follow-up workshop really helped me reinforce the 'tools' I had acquired during my beginners workshop. I am now much more accepting of my paruresis, and much more forgiving with myself than I used to be. I've also regained my confidence and the certainty that with a little time and practice I will get over my AP.
I have no words to express how helpful these workshops have been for me, and how grateful I am to the UKPT and to Andrew, the organizer of these workshops.
I think anyone with paruresis, regardless of the severity of your case, should participate in a workshop. It changed my life, and it will definitely change yours. And don't ask yourself too many questions, just do it. Remember you've got nothing to lose.
You!!! [Imagine picture of Lord Kitchener] YOUR BLADDER NEEDS YOU!! It is likely that if you are reading this, you have been suffering from AP long enough for you to think enough is enough, and so you should. Without question, UKPT workshops are the best way to deal with this problem.
You might be nervous about attending one. So was I. But once you start the process you never look back. You are surrounded by people who know exactly what you have been through, no matter how severe. The organiser, Andrew, is honestly the friendliest and most helpful person you will ever meet.
Before my first workshop I felt totally lost in the desperation caused by AP. After, I felt my confidence surge and I knew I had the tools tackle AP once and for all. With time and effort, hopefully I will achieve this.
If UKPT helped me, there is no reason why it can't help you.
Third follow up workshop, the previous one was still in London in April. This one was a bit different from previous ones. I knew that as usual I would make big jumps climbing my ladder, and it was but this time I was more concerned thinking about my thought processes, trying to understand what I say to myself and what is really helpful for improving my condition. As usual I had the evidence that I can easily solve all my problems in peeing situation, because I already got what I needed for being confident and feeling relaxed. Feeling that I'm already recovered.
Even if I've been talking about the same main subjects about faulty thought processes, this time it was like I understood them for the first time. We had really interesting discussions that clarified me what are the feelings and automatic processes that let me filtering all my progresses and put me back trapped. When I came back in my place I faced these kind of feeling that came from past experience and wrong routines. But I'm starting to have another approach in the direction of understanding what was wrong, reframing my thoughts and try to learn from that experience. Nothing is permanent, so even the bad experience can be let go and with the confidence stored from the workshop, you can look forward and try next time to face your fear correctly. Trying next time as you do during the exposure. And trying again until you don't feel comfortable.
The amazing thing is that exposing and exposing your body remember and there is again a natural connection with the act of peeing. So is your body that says you what you have to do, the main task is to support your body and let it still do its job as should be.
I want say thanks to Andrew to be so helpful to answering to all the questions and be so expert to get the core of the problem and let you realize what happens inside your mind. And a great thanks to all the workshop people for being so supportive.
Right now I know that I'm on my own. I have all the tools I need to help me with time to live with no anxiety about peeing. But I don't exclude that I'll not attend again to another workshop, it's always helpful.
I am Robert and I suffered from my AP a long time ago. First time, after a half-year hesitation I applied for a beginner workshop. In 2007 it boosted my confidence, I recognised my condition and I started to practice, I visited public toilets regularly. I applied the next follow-up workshop and it helped me a lot. But I thought my recovery was a kind of race, I felt I had to show I did not have problem with toilets, I had to prove I was able to pee everywhere. I was to pride and after some bad experiences I started to avoid toilets again.
In 2012 I visited another workshop, which was fantastic, a lot of very great people with the same feelings, problems. I really enjoyed the supportive environment, and during the workshop I peed at urinals with my mates surrounding with strangers. I got closer to receive my condition and arriving home I made new plans and new habits. As my anxiety level dropped I started to really enjoy my life. I visited social events and even I travelled to abroad with my friends. But after half year of practising as a “good avoider” I stopped my practising…
So, I decided to come again. In London the mood was very good. I met great people, who understood my condition and we did not have to play roles. All the weekend we talked a lot openly, and I learnt new ideas about my condition. I realised my main problem is to receive my condition. Now I am closer to myself and I do not think to my recovery as a race. During the workshop we practised, laughed a lot, and I was able to achieve my aim. I was happy to be there.
After arriving home, I started again my practice sessions. And I know my success is to go to practise, peeing is just a consequent. I am on my way again toward my recovery, which could be a long way, but I am going on. Nowadays I am planning my summer holiday.
Thank You Andrew, you were very-very supportive and used your great humour to help me to laugh at myself and my condition which reduced my fears. And thank you my mates for sharing your life and your solutions. It is very difficult to tell you how I feel…
So my mate, who read my words with fears do not suffer alone and do not hesitate, just apply to a workshop and start your new life! Believe me!
I wanted to write a few words about the follow up workshop and what I got from the experience. It was my third workshop and came at a time when I was starting to struggle again. I have struggled to make any real progress, until this workshop. I now know that I have to tackle other parts of life to over come this problem or get to a point where I can live comfortably with it. I have to take into account that busy shopping centres make me feel more anxious, to progress with AP I need to make other changes. I have started to make those changes and the workshop works well in providing you with a platform to change. I think I will need to attend a few more before I'm happy but I really feel like it's possible to get past this now. Thanks Andrew & UKPT for another great workshop. - Joe
