This Discussion Board is for men who
find it difficult or impossible to urinate in a public or social situation. Women should use the women's Board.
The Board is maintained and moderated by the
U.K. Paruresis Trust. Registered Charity no: 1109541.
For
further information, visit our website, or contact us at
Hi all. I've suffered with a certain level of paruresis for most of my adult life. That level was; 1. Impossible to use a urinal even when the whole room was empty (for fear of someone coming in). 2. Impossible to go (even in a cubicle) if there was a queue or other time constraint involved. 2. Able to go in a cubicle only if the room was not busy or if it was completely enclosed.
So, not too bad really. Recently however, things have become much worse. During a recent trip abroad a felt i wanted to pee just before boarding the plane. I had already successfully gone in the same toilet an hour or so before. However, this time, people saw me go into the cubicle and there were lots of comings and goings. The upshot was, i couldn't go. I tried to go while on the plane (which i have done with no problems before) and i couldn't. the list of failures to pee goes on, ending with me unable to even go in a totally private disabled toilet. I now only have to look at a public toilet and i feel fear and anxiety, even if i don't want to use it. I am desperate. I feel I am trapped as i cannot go out and socialise anymore because i cant use the loos in restaurants, bars etc. I gave up drinking about a year ago. Maybe this has something to do with the worsening of my condition? sorry for the long post and coming in full tilt like this but I'm truly at my wits' end.
Glad you have found us. Please dont feel any need to apologise; your posting was in fact short and anyway postings are as long as needed to tell the story. That's what this board is for.
Understandably you feel trapped. But be reassured that there is a way forward. In summary and in no special order the things you can do are:
1. Book yourself onto our next beginners workshop; for that I need you to email me (see address at top of page) so i can send you the booking form. It will be held in London on the weekend 27-29 Sept, and is residential in a hotel. You will have your own bedroom with ensuite, which will be your safe place. We have run over 70 such workshops over the last ten years and have helped over 400 people of all levels of severity.
2. Go to your GP and ask to to be referred to a clinical psychologist for CBT (Cogntive Behaviour Therapy). But note there will probably be a waiting list.
3. Also ask your GP to arrange for you to be shown how to self-catheterise: this uses a disposable catheter designed to be used and discarded. That will enable you to empty your bladder in a cubicle with completed safety, and so reduce the isolation of feeling you dare not go out.
4. Read up all the info on our linked website (see the link at top of page). Knowing what the condition is helps you feel in control.
5. Read through this discussion board to see other people's experiences.
This is the start of your recovery; it will take time and effort, but ultimately will be worth it, to regain your freedom and life.