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Even though I have days of great success while de-sensitising, if I don't de sensitise for a few days I can really struggle. For example, last week I managed to go right next to someone at a urinial (albeit with a 7.5-8 urge and something that doesn't happen often) but a few days later I struggled to with a person a couple of urinials away with similar urge. I also start to feel really tense around public toilets despite going in them fine almost everyday. Also, the toilets I usually go to (and the best and probably only place I can get to on a day to day basis) I have been seen by work mates sitting down outside well before my shift (as it is in the shopping centre I work in) and they've questioned why I was there. I know they wouldn't know I'd been going in and out the toilets but it makes me feel tense whenever I go there that I might be seen. Just wondered if anybody had any thoughts on any of this (yes I have been to a workshop by the way, but I won't be able to get to another one for some time so just wanted to get some general advice on here)
Re: Getting frustrated
Posted by william on 19/6/2013, 1:31 am, in reply to "Getting frustrated"
I hear you. I have the same issues of being great one day and harder the next day. Just keep at it, eventually the anxiety levels will go down. Maybe tell your work mates you have shy bladder... that will relieve the mental pressure.
Recovery work is not easy. I still have low levels of anxiety when approaching the restroom and also when standing there waiting for the pee to start.
Do it regularly, like every 2-3 hours , everyday, don't miss out. Also the ability to pee varies day by day, hour by hour due to many factors....its volatile without the shy bladder component for everyone.
yes i got frustrated the other day it was at a sports event long queues for urinals and no gaps (having been on the course i will always give it a go) - i must step down a few notches now, it's crowds that i have my biggest problems with so this is what i need to focus on, starting with a few blokes and working up to crowds - up and down, but keep practicing
Re: Getting frustrated
Posted by Andrew on 19/6/2013, 9:25 pm, in reply to "Getting frustrated"
HI Matt
First well done for putting the time in regularly; it seems to be paying off for you.
Reading between the lines, I wonder whether you are exhibiting signs of "choking"? If you do not remember this topic from the workshop, it is explained in the blue book. It happens when you care too much about the result of an action, then become self-conscious about other people seemingly being better at it than you, or something trips you up.
As in a lot of things to do with anxiety based conditions, the answer lies in paradoxical action i.e. doing the opposite. In this case I find it helps a lot to go in believing totally that you dont care whether you go or not, cos you'll be able to go later or somewhere else. This is the opposite of feeling that it is a test and you need to go or else you have "failed". Remember we told you that progress will be erratic: 2 steps forward, one step back. So going in saying you dont care what happens cos sometimes it will work and other times it wont, so what, takes a lot of pressure off you. Over time the proprotioon of times it works will increase; but there will always be the odd misfire.
As for your workmates; can you work out a suitable answer in advance so that you can trot it out, rather than look confused and embarrassed. Remember to keep it simple and brief. Could you say you get mild claustrophobia in toilets, and so are making yourself go in them regularly to try to get over it? The point being that paruresis and claustrophobia are similar, but the latter is better known and accepted by people.