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Feedback on the February London Beginners workshop
Posted by Jim on 25/2/2013, 10:27 pm
Having suffered from AP for many years, avoidant became the key word in how I organised my life and work. The result was that I became more and more isolated and missed out on a great many activities that make life enjoyable. When I had a day’s stay in hospital, my AP became more of a worry for me than my surgery under full anaesthetic and I finally decided I had to get help.
I have just spent two nights in London where, together with another 10 guys, I have received help, instruction and guidance of such high quality and usefulness that I can only kick myself for not attending a workshop years ago. Now I really understand the problem, and I’ve made progress in desensing in two days that’s well beyond my expectation. I have the tools and information to sort my thoughts which are the cause of my problem and I finally have the confidence to tackle it. I know I have load of work to do but now at least I know what to do and how to handle any knock backs that occur in the process. It’s up to me and that makes me feel really good. Above all I can’t thank the UKPT team enough for giving up their time and expertise to help me and I enjoyed the anecdotes and banter of the guys there, all positive and in good humour. Jim (Posted on behalf of Jim from his email - Andrew)
Re: Feedback on the February London Beginners workshop
It’s a cliché, but what the hell; this weekend workshop has undoubtedly changed my life. I won’t pretend I didn’t have my anxieties over the weekend, but what helped me overcome them and persevere was the knowledgeable and sensitive support of our ‘trainers’ and the understanding displayed by everyone else there. Let’s face it, while AP is a terribly debilitating condition it’s also difficult not to also have a sense of humour about it, and over the course the of the weekend initial nervous laughter turned quickly into relaxed good humour.
I’ve had AP for over thirty years, and for more than fifteen years of that time I didn’t know if maybe I was the only person in the whole world who was blocked in this way. Just being able to meet with, work with and socialise with a bunch of ordinary people who understood completely what I was feeling was a revelation and an enormous weight off my mind. They were all also very good company: thankfully we didn’t spend two days doing nothing but anx about our AP! We also ate and drank and talked about all sorts of stuff.
Three days later I’m still feeling quite elated : I know that won’t last long, but I learnt some stuff about positive thinking which I think will stay with me for a very long time. The techniques we were introduced to – practised in a safe and trusting environment – not only worked, but I could see how they worked and plan how I could introduce them into my own life. It wasn’t all plain-sailing, of course, and there were times when, alone in my comfy bed at night, I kicked myself for my failures; but the realisation that addressing AP is a long process and that there will be periods of failure as well as success was reinforced continually during workshop presentations. On the other hand I did manage, during the de-sensing exercises, to accomplish stuff I never thought I would be able to again. Not only was I able to pee in front of my buddies in the safe environment of the hotel, I was also able to walk into a public urinal and perform, too. (OK, just the once, but hey, I haven’t been able to do that since I was a kid!)
If you’re nervous about attending a workshop nothing I say here is really going to make you not nervous; but I would urge anyone to give it a try. As someone said over the weekend, “what’s the worst that can happen - it won’t kill me”.
Re: Feedback on the February London Beginners workshop
And forgot to say that I was given enough confidence on returning home to tell my girlfriend that I have AP and had been at a workshop. (I had told her I was going to a wedding, a lie that I was sorry to hear had made her a little suspicious (I thought that I had perfected the art of lying), although she did wonder if I was seeing another woman why I would choose a hotel on the North Circular!) She had heard of it, hadn't noticed it and wasn't remotely bothered. Another weight off my back, and another reason to thank UKPT
Re: Feedback on the February London Beginners workshop
Having tried various therapies in the past, I can honestly say this workshop is the only effective way of overcoming AP that I have found, as merely talking to a therapist does not - on its own- provide any way of desensing. Attending the workshop was a bit awkward at first, on the friday night when everyone was arriving, but it soon got easier when people realised they could empathise with each other, and people started to open up and share their feelings. It was reassuring to discover that other AP sufferers are 'normal' guys, and I enjoyed their company over the weekend. The 'buddy' method of desensing was a little bit strange at first but it really helped, and I soon got over my awkward feelings when I realised that everyone was in the same boat. It provides a safe and mutually supportive environment in which to practice, and allowed me to progress much quicker than I had hoped. I still have AP but finally feel that I have found a way which I can gradually overcome it, and will be attending a follow up workshop in the near future. Thanks Andy, Peter and Ryan, and everyone else who attended.
Re: Feedback on the February London Beginners workshop
In brief: I would recommend the workshop to anyone with paruresis. Of the workshop I found positive thinking and the knowledge that I can overturn paruresis to be invaluable, the practice effective and the environment friendly.
I am 22 and have had paruresis quite severely since I was about 14(and less severely before that). Aside from some painful experiences involving not being able to pee somewhere, I have come to realise how much I've beat myself up by having this condition. I will always think in advance of going out anywhere what the toilets will be like and if I will be able to cope. I have found myself deserting friends and running between bars trying to use every toilet until I finally manage to go. I have camped out in places, and run to isolated forests on the horizon just to pee. Having to take such extreme measures has made me think of myself as not normal, and different from just about everyone else. If I have a full bladder and I'm out with friends, I can have a misfire and come back feeling really sorry for myself. I start to hate myself, look at all the normal people and retreat from social situations.
After having a particularly painful experience involving not being able to pee at new year, I decided that I should do something about paruresis. I made my paruresis quite public(I received only amazingly positive feedback from this), and decided I was going to come to a workshop. Even though I had told people about paruresis, I still didn't feel comfortable talking about it, or with myself. I still felt quite shameful and beat myself up a lot. This is where I feel the workshop was rally useful.
I was nervous about meeting other people with paruresis and attending the workshop, but also quite excited. The weird thing about the workshop is that it's an environment especially designed for people with paruresis. It felt weird thinking about that because I realised I had never really been in a situation before where I completely didn't have to think about whether or not there would be safe toilets when going somewhere new.
I was really nervous on the Friday before the event had fully gotten started. I felt kind of uncomfortable being with a bunch of guys with paruresis being the thin binding us. Because I have found paruresis a really uncomfortable subject to talk about. I thought I would feel uncomfortable talking about it. I didn't. Everyone there was really friendly and interesting. There was no desensitising done on the Friday evening so the pressure was immediately taken off. And all the guys there were completely normal. Of all different backgrounds and ages, and different stories to tell. It became clear that paruresis was a really annoying thing to have, but that's that. It's not like some neon sign that you have to hold over your head and try and hide from, like it has felt like to me sometimes.
Andrew, Peter and Ryan were all very friendly and supportive. I cannot believe the amount of effort that they have put into the UKPT. They made us come to understand our paruresis and start to think of it differently. They advocated positive thinking, focusing on where we had been successful. They very quickly made any embarrassment that I had paruresis go away. And that itself is hugely rewarding. To desensitise and practise we slowly varied how far away people were and other parameters, and there was no time pressure, no judgment and it never mattered if you did have a misfire, because that happens. It was focused on what happens in the real world, not in our heads.The world where no-one could give a damn about someone peeing. We learned just how little non-paruretics actually think about the process of going to the toilet.
Andrew and Peter helped me realise just how impressive making progress is and how it doesn't matter how long you take over it. Slow steps forward mean steps towards improvement. They also taught how it doesn't matter if you go downhill occasionally. That if you focus on success and not the failure then you will improve in the long term.
Thank you to everyone who was at the workshop. I had a good weekend, feel better for it and will hopefully be attending a follow up workshop soon.