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I have an old co-worker at a job I used to work two years ago. Let's call him Jason. He can't understand why I never made an effort to do stuff together, like hang out, go for a beer and watch the football. I was the assistant manager at the time. Before I become assistant manager I used to feel like one of the boys - anyway I used to feel like he didn't hold me in very high esteem and so if he was in the changing rooms I used to struggle to pee.
He can't understand why I used to invite other people to my flat and not him. I know two other guys who also have issues of low confidence and self esteem so I feel more comfortable peeing around them. But Jason is a very confident young guy, girls love him and all that. Maybe I wanted to be like him and that's why I avoided inviting him to my flat. The thing is he's a real nice guy and I know he wouldn't have judged me.
I've explained to him about shy bladder and the crazy things it makes you do but he still doesn't get it. Is there some other way of telling him this? Was it because I was his assistant manager and I didn't want to appear weak?
What do you think guys? Have you any experience with this?
There is a proportion of men for whom peeing is as voluntary and uneventful as spitting on the ground. For them, it is difficult to understand paruresis.
Have you explained that the "threat" causes the subconscious to close the tap, and to relax the bladder, and that you cannot consciously override that.
A graphic image could be to say its as if someone stronger than you were to put a tourniquet on your willy and pull it tight. Result: cant pee.
As for the "threat": yes it is illogical, but so are most fears and phobias. Does he have one e.g. needles, public speaking, heights? Or does he know of someone who has? He probably does.
As for feeling weak; it is nothing to do with that; in a lot of case it seems to go back to either lack of "training" i.e. not being shown how to use public toilets, or to some sort of abuse e.g. bullying in school toilets.
Thanks Andrew, I think he understands what shy bladder is he just can't understand how I was able to pee with other guys around and not him. He wasn't the only one who I had trouble peeing with, co-workers in general posses a problem. If it was a stranger it wouldn't matter to me as much. Mike
Hi mike & Andrew I know what you mean about when friends and co workers are around it seems to matter more I.e that you can't perform and embarressed about the whole thing e.t.c . My wife knows and recently I told my wife's mum dad and brother whitch I found hard but their reaction was good and the brother in law could relate to a scenario in public toilets when he was unable to pee and I can assure that he is not a paruretic and can go anywhere! Can anyone offer some advice on how to make the friends/co workers thing easier or a gradual way of over coming it cheers Pete.
