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I was going to reply on Johnnys post with these thoughts but thought this might be suitable for a topic in itself. I was wondering if others have experienced slightly negative effects of reducing your practice levels after a course on confidence levels?
I went on a great beginners course which took me from a 'mild' level (didn't feel like 'mild' to me) to 'very mild' and with confidence levels super high, I thought I could do most situations, and I practiced like crazy for weeks afterwards being overjoyed with my new found ability. After a few months I started to relax and thought I had it pretty much beat, as it's hard work keeping up those trips to loos etc, and you think you're actually reminding yourself of your fear by continuing the trips, better to just 'accept' you can do it I thought, but then I noticed that when I found myself in very high heirarchy situations - that if you haven't been practicing a lot your 'boo monster' can get to work on you again and it brings the doubts back in, and you can have a slip, which again reduces confidence a little etc.
Has anyone else been in situations like these where they think they've got it beat, then relaxed too much, stopped practicing, only to see the boo monster start to do his work again?
I suppose I'm looking to hear from anyone in this situation who's mastered this cycle of 'niggling doubts' creeping in and how you beat them or controlled this, so please pass on any good tips if you have them thanks
Im afraid to say that after both workshops, I too relaxed my practice thinking 'yeah Ill be fine' and often find my self struggling to go when I could easily have done before. Its important to keep it up as much as possible, it gets boring but needs to be done.
Its not the end of the world, as I know I have the tools to get this thing under control. My paruresis never prevents me from doing anything or going anywhere and thats the main thing
I find that my motivation starts to wane after a few weeks of finishing the workshop despite my good intentions. I much prefer the group sessions rather than having to practice on my own. Has anyone got any tips on how to motivate yourself?
For me, its a case of how you react to the 'boo monster' when, and if, it makes its return. Even though I can pee 95% of the time wherever I am. I walk to the toilet accepting the fact that I might not be able to pee. I decide before hand that its ok if I don't pee. I accept that, ok, I might try and be disappointed if I fail, but I am doomed if I don't try.
What matters to me is I at least made an attempt at peeing. I remind myself that at least attempting to pee is a far superior strategy than avoidance i.e. avoidance being when I deny the fact that I need the toilet by lying to myself.
I "respond" to the boo monster with indifference - and in doing so, steal its thunder. You see, the boo monster waits in the background, plotting when it will make its next grand appearance. When you respond with indifference you take away its power. If you "react" with, "Oh no I can't believe this crap, I can't believe this is happening to me again ect" then the boo monster thinks 'oouu this is great I made an appearance and got a huge reaction, this is fun. I wonder what he'll do next time I appear?'
If 'The Boo Monster Strikes Back - Part II' is a box office hit, then it'll return for a Trilogy.. show it that you don't care any more and it'll leave you alone.
It takes practice and you have to be totally present, but it can be done.
Excellently put. I just love the part 2 and the Trilogy!
Utter indifference and boredom rules. Like you i say "it may not happen,but dont care; if it works, it works; if not I'll do something else". So usually it works.
Hi Mike, for me i find that practicing has become part of my normal life 18 months after my first workshop. Its a pain some days but far easier than starting back at the beginning. I have found that the panic of entering a toilet has now passed. Practicing as often as possible has been key for me even if it meant passing a safe toilet and travelling 10 miles to services. I still have to check my urgency levels and sometimes find that difficult, wheather to go or not. Darren
