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For the first time in my life I went out to some bars/nightclubs for a friends birthday. I usually avoid these situations because of fear of toilets (the only time previously was at a bar with only three urinals/no cubicles). Everything was going OK although I was panicking as the second bar only had two cubicles (I cannot use busy urinals). We came to the last club and were there for a good few hours and I was desperate. I tried "scouting" the toilets, there were three sets: The first: double-sided trough urinal, 1xout-of-order cubicle and one engaged, the second: urinals only and the third: a busy urinal and an engaged cubicle.
After going in and out of the toilets checking to see if the cubicle was free (and getting very strange looks) I decided to bite the bullet and try to use the trough. However there were two drunk guys (probably mid 30s-40) on the other side who began shouting at me, and wanting to see if I had a small penis. Obviously I couldn't go, quickly pulled pants up and left. Luckily managed to get a cubicle an hour later but I just felt so down. It reminded me of being in highschool when the bullies would hang out in the toilets and torment you (were a large source of my phobia is from).
I think it'll take alot for me to try again after this. I was thinking of trying professional hypnosis, has this had anyone had any success with this?
You have had it rough, haven’t you. The behaviour of those two drunks was totally out of court; alcohol reduces inhibition, and so they were showing an unpleasant side of themselves.
As for bullying in school toilets: we hear a lot about that, and it being the start of shy bladder, for obvious reasons. It’s too late for you, but at least steps have now been taken to improve the design specification for school toilets so as to significantly reduce the possibility of that sort of behaviour occurring.
I’m not surprised you feel down about it all. You were forced into a situation where in effect you had to jump in at the deep end, when in fact you are a swimmer who needs to be able to touch the bottom. It was never going to work.
What you can do is to start at a level that you think you can manage: say large quiet toilets. Get used to them by using the cubicles, firstly with the door shut and then leaving the door open. Then move on to a urinal well away from others. Each step needs to be repeated until you are reasonably confident before moving on, and use fluid loading and 3 second peeing (see the instructions on our website www.ukpt.org.uk) so as to allow you to go say 10 times in say 45 minutes.
This is also described in the book Shy Bladder which you can get on Amazon - there is a link from our books page.
And you can attend our weekend workshop: there you will make good progress in a totally safe and supportive environment. You only have to read the feedback to see that.
As for hypnosis: it is not the recommended treatment: it can help you to learn to relax, but it does not address the issue of fear. That can be addressed only by graduated desensitization, as done on the workshops, or as described above.
That’s a very brief outline. There’s lots more on the website, and feel free to reply to this on this forum, or directly to me by email.
I second what Andrew says. Hypnosis alone is unlikely to help.(Im trained in Hypnotherapy amongst other things). A CBT approach with desensitisation works best. Its also important to learn about safety behaviors. The 'scouting of the toilets' actually tells the brain there is a danger so it is more likely to shut the valve and stop you peeing. During desensitisation you have to learn to drop the safety behaviours. I used to have about 20. I gradually reduced them and now have none and can go 95% of the time no matter where or how busy.It can take a while though and patience is needed.