This Discussion Board is for men who
find it difficult or impossible to urinate in a public or social situation. Women should use the women's Board.
The Board is maintained and moderated by the
U.K. Paruresis Trust. Registered Charity no: 1109541.
For
further information, visit our website, or contact us at
I wanted to use the forum both to thank the organisers of the workshop last weekend for the thoughtful and professional job they did of running the workshop, and to encourage anyone considering the workshop to go ahead and do it.
Like many people, I had personally put off doing a workshop for several years since becoming aware of them. There was always something else in the diary and an excuse not to do it.
In the week leading up to the workshop and on the day I was incredibly nervous - much more nervous than I'd expected to be. I was very relieved upon arival to see just how normal everyone was - from all walks of life from plumbers to solicitors and IT consultants, from students to university lecturers. And everyone else was clearly feeling just as nervous. But within the first few hours of being there we were quickly put at our ease and the organisers were professional and sensitive towards how we were feeling and what our individual needs and expectations were.
In terms of what the workshop did for me - well it was pretty life changing really. I went from a life where I'd avoid urinals whenever someone else was present to being able to pee in a urinal in a busy pub with three other people in the tiny toilet peeing right beside me, washing their hands behind me and waiting to use the urinal. I know that I need to carry on working at this to hardwire this new way of being in my brain, and I by no means totally cured of this problem, but the effect of the workshop has been to totally change my understanding and experience of AP and to give me a practical plan to move forward with and build a new life where I no longer need to worry about whether or not I can go finshing on a boat with no toilet for the day, or whether I'll be able to pee in a comfort break from a meeting at work at the same time as everyone else - and a whole host of other situations that used to seriously negatively impact on my quality of life.
Finally, I'd like to thank my fellow participants on the course - they were all so friendly and understanding and with their support I've come out the other side of the weekend a new man.
I'll always be very grateful for the gift of that workshop and sincerely encourage others to face your fear and go through with a workshop yourselves - you'll never regret it.
Re: Feedback on beginners workshop London Sept 2011
Paruresis has affected me in varying degrees over the last 30 years or so - countless long train/coach journeys messed up nights out and loss of focus at meetings and events with friends/colleagues.
For a long time I dreamed if only there was a supportive space to work on paruresis - it has to be something that is surmountable - and this weekend I really feel I found it. On the way home I re-visited a public wc where only a few weeks before I had 'locked up' and to my relief used it without problem in spite of it being just as busy.
I've always been amazed at the commonality of the experience of people posting on the forum, but the depth of understanding of the problem by the workshop facilitators and their ability to guide us through the processes that will help us find our way out of it was truly phenomenal - if you can get the chance to do the workshop its definitely worth taking.
And as Dave said you couldn't meet a more normal bunch of blokes.
Many thanks to Andrew and all.
Re: Feedback on beginners workshop London Sept 2011
To anyone not sure about attending a workshop in the future, then do it because although I was nervous at first, we were all soon put at ease by Andrew and Dan who were very warm and friendly, and of course know all about Paruresis.Throughout the process of the weekend we were shown various tips and techniques, and I was happy with my progress over a short period. I managed to use the toilet in various situations, which I haven't been able to do for ages (20 years I think). Once again thanks to Andrew and Dan for a very well thought out weekend. People like them are an inspiration. Pete
Re: Feedback on beginners workshop London Sept 2011
Just to reiterate what’s already been said; a huge thank you to Andrew and Dan for leading the workshop this weekend, and to all the guys who took part. It felt really great to bring something which I have kept uncomfortably to myself for so many years out into the open, to be met with understanding, camaraderie and humour. Andrew and Dan navigated the workshops with sensitivity and were both extremely helpful and knowledgeable. I can't thank them enough.
Personally, I progressed much further than I expected to over the weekend. Whilst I know that for me there is still much hard work to do, I now feel ready and equipped to take on this task. I’ve come away feeling very positive, with lighter shoulders. I’d strongly recommend signing up to anyone suffering. Sharing experiences with the other guys has really changed my outlook - and they couldn’t have been a nicer bunch.
Re: Feedback on beginners workshop London Sept 2011
I just want to echo what everybody above has said.
First, Andrew and Dan are both genuinely fantastic people. The workshops they run are welcoming, informative, and really help paruesis sufferers (of all severities) to make progress towards beating the condition. The work they do through UKPT is nothing short of incredible.
To put this recommendation into a bit of perspective, for anybody considering attending a workshop in the future, my situation was this:
On the Friday morning of the workshop I woke up as a gent who was completely unable to 'get started' at a urinal whenever there was another person present in the room and who would lock up mid-session if anybody else walked in (even cubicles were difficult if I thought I could be overheard). By the Saturday evening I was able to pee at a busy public urinal with other 'patrons' on both sides. On the Sunday afternoon I left to workshop to go see a football game at my local pub, and for the first time in years I was able to watch the match in a completely relaxed state (no anxiety about whether there'd be a free cubicle when I needed it, no worrying about when I could sneak out to go before half-time, etc) and then exchanged banter with other fans while peeing into a (completely packed) trough at half-time.
Prior to the workshop, if somebody had told me that I could make that much progress in a month, I'd have laughed in their face. To have done it in a weekend is just mind-blowing.
Basically, if you suffer from paruesis badly enough to have found this forum, then get booked into a workshop now. E-mailing Andy is a a big, scary step to take (it took me several hours to psych up the courage) but attending the sessions can and will drastically improve your quality of life.
Everybody else there is a completely normal human being (I expected weirdos and social outcasts, I met a room full of guys who could not be more pleasant, diverse and normal if they tried). Andrew and Dan run a great weekend, put everybody completely at ease, and make sure that nobody is forced outside of their comfort zone until they're 100% ready.
If you're anything like me, you probably think that, on paper, the de-sense sessions sound terrifying and a little bit insane. The truth is that, in practice, they feel completely natural and keep you feeling 100% safe at all times. Nobody at a workshop gets pushed outside of their comfort zone unless they want, and the rate at which you ratchet up the difficulty of your de-sense sessions is entirely up to you.
To reiterate, if you're concerned enough about paruesis to be reading this, get yourself to a workshop. Don't suffer with the condition a day longer than you have to. The weekends aren't weird or awkward, the people attending them aren't oddballs, and the change that you can make to your life in such a short space of time is incredible.
Once again, thank you to Andy and Dan for doing such great work. You're both inspirational.
Re: Feedback on beginners workshop London Sept 2011
Have to say i was nervous before attending this workshop, but was immediately put at ease by the location and the tutours.there's no pressure at all. the workshop was so chilled out, and it proved to me that i can use busy public toilets even without barriers.I was pleased i attended it, and would recommend it to fellow sufferer's. it's just a group of people all with the same thing in mind, to conquer this phobia.everyone is so understanding though there is no gurantee of a full recovery. it gives you the tools and belief that you can.i had a misfire in camden but had a result at euston. we all have our own levels of avoidence you just have to keep practising i no i will.Big thank's to andrew and dan your doing a great job.
Re: Feedback on beginners workshop London Sept 2011
Hello everyone,I started reading the forums like you and wondered for a very long time if it would be advantageous to attend a workshop. I was at my wit's end trying to find some help with my problem. I eventually decided to contact Andrew and enroll on the beginners workshop in London. It was the best thing I ever did and the future can only get better. The whole weekend was a very relaxed affair with no pressure put on anyone to do anything they weren't happy with.Mine is a fairly extreme case, at times not always even being able to urinate in my own hotel bathroom. But by the end of the weekend I could pee in someone elses bathroom with the person sat in the room. This was a tremendous improvement for me, all thanks to Andrew and Dans help and encouragement. So don't delay your decision any longer, email Andrew at UKPT and get enrolled on a workshop, you won't regret it. Best wishes Paul.
Re: Feedback on beginners workshop London Sept 2011
Having spent sometime reflecting on the weekend I can safely say it was one of the best things I have done with regards to improving my life. As a long time sufferer of AP and other forms of social phobia, I found a huge burden had been lifted by being able to openly discuss the problem with others. Personally I struggled to walk into the room at the start and contacted Andrew via mobile. He then took the time to meet me outside and help me feel at ease. I found both Andrew & Dan to be fantastic leaders and listeners. Everyone was friendly and all had a story to tell. I fully recommend the course to anyone, I'm not saying my cured but just to be able to lift a burden and feel comfortable discussing a problem that has gone on for years is a great feeling! I wish everyone who was on the course all the best and maybe see you on a follow up course. - Joe
Re: Feedback on beginners workshop London Sept 2011
I wanted to write about my experience at a beginner’s workshop for those who might be contemplating booking on one.
I have a severe case of paruresis (AP) and have for instance found it difficult to go for a piss when I am alone at home. Cubicles are often a no go zone unless the walls and doors extend from ceiling to floor.
I was a little nervous on my way to the workshop but found a very friendly and understanding environment when I arrived. The course provided me an opportunity to talk about the condition and experiences with fellow sufferers which I found very reassuring. The workshop provided techniques on challenging AP and a safe and comfortable environment to begin de-sensing. Andrew, Dan and the participants were very supportive and I cannot thank them enough for their help. I went to the workshop with very little hope for improvement however I did make meaningful progress and gained a better understanding for the problem that I have hidden for over 20 years.
If you are reading this and are considering attending a workshop I can only recommend that you do. I am very glad that I went and the weekend really helped me to begin beating AP.
Freddie
Re: Feedback on beginners workshop London Sept 2011