U.K. PARURESIS TRUST

UK paruresis trust

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Need to do something about this now I think

Posted by Phil on 25/8/2011, 9:07 pm

I have had trouble peeing for a long time now and have not done anything to get myself sorted out. I can usually pee at home with the door shut no problem (although it sometimes takes a while to get started if I know someone is waiting for me). I can pee in cubicles with the door locked, but it can take a while to get started if someone is talking to me from outside. I find it pretty much impossible to pee at urinals of any kind.

I told my wife about my problem soon after we started going out (six years ago: she couldn't understand why I had to lock the bathroom door) and she was understanding, but we haven't really talked about it since and I've just carried on as before.

Aside from the anxiety in public toilets, etc., what's made me think I really need to do something about this is that I now have a son (aged 17 months) and I know that some day I will have to take him to the toilet when we are out. I don't want to pass this thing on to him (don't know if that is possible), and I want to be able to pee with him and show him how to use a urinal, etc.

I just found this website today and have been thinking about going to one of the workshops. I know I need to talk to my wife about this again and I am now thinking that maybe she can help me start de-sensing at home. Should I try and get started with her now or wait for the workshop?

Thank you in advance. Just reading the information on this website and some of the posts here has given me encouragement.

Phil

Re: Need to do something about this now I think

Posted by Andrew on 25/8/2011, 9:57 pm, in reply to "Need to do something about this now I think"

Hi Phil

Firstly you cannot pass it on to your son, unless you make him anxious in toilet situations. If it helps, my son does not have shy bladder.

What you can do is to start peeing in the bathroom when he is there, say in the bath; do this regularly and you will become accustomed to him, which will help you when you need to take him to a public cubicle (while he is too short to use a urinal).

As for desensing at home and attending a workshop: do both! Part of the therapy is to feel you are taking control of your destiny by doing something about it. So starting desensing now is part of that i.e. taking the initiative, rather than letting the condition rule you.

Cheers

Andrew

Re: Need to do something about this now I think

Posted by Mark L on 25/8/2011, 11:38 pm, in reply to "Re: Need to do something about this now I think"

Hi Phil,

Welcome to the message board. Its good to see that you're wanting to sort this. Thats the first big step out the way. As Andrew mentioned its never to early to start de-sensing. Get booked onto a workshop and de-sense in the meantime. Its good you have an understanding wife that can help.

When out in public with your son in a few years time, you wont need to go infront of him, as you will only be in the cubicle with him helping him. Just make sure you dont rush him or anything so he doesnt pick up on any bad vibes. When it comes to urinals, you only have to stand with him or if you want to make it look like you're going, then just stand at the next one along and pretend, he wont know.

The above is only what I would do if it were me, I dont have a son yet!

All the best and let us know of progress you make etc.

Cheers,

Mark

Re: Need to do something about this now I think

Posted by Pete on 26/8/2011, 5:58 pm, in reply to "Re: Need to do something about this now I think"

Phil,

Don't worry about your son. I've gone through your experience and my son is fine. He has no problems in toilets and didn't realise I had until I told him about it a few years ago. When he was big enough to use the men's loo I went with him and pretended to go, even if I didn't. It wasn't long before he could go for a pee by himself and I usually contrived to go at a different time - or held on while bursting. Who of us hasn't ! Of course, I envied him and all the other guys who seemed to be able to go at the drop of a hat, especially since, like so many paruretics, I believed I was the only person in the world with this "peculiarity". But recently, very late in life, I discovered this website and the relief (in more ways than one !) has been indescribable. If you follow Andrew's advice by working at it at home and going on one or two workshops you will begin to wonder what you have been worrying about ! And do talk to your wife and enlist her support. Good luck.

Pete.

Re: Need to do something about this now I think

Posted by Phil on 28/8/2011, 8:11 pm, in reply to "Re: Need to do something about this now I think"

Thank you all for your kind comments. Last night I talked to my wife about wanting to do something about my problem and she was very understanding and supportive, and says she is willing to help me work on it at home. She said she was glad that I've decided to do something about it. I've ordered the Bashful Bladder Syndrome book, which I hope we will both read. Now I just need to start de-sensing!

This is such a great website. Keep up the good work!

Phil

Re: Need to do something about this now I think

Posted by NoMoreGuy on 13/9/2011, 10:20 pm, in reply to "Re: Need to do something about this now I think"

not being able to go in front of my son is one of my biggest fears of marriage, how crazy is that

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