U.K. PARURESIS TRUST

UK paruresis trust

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Beginners Workshop Manchester (13/15 May 2011)

Posted by Martin on 16/5/2011, 1:07 pm

Just back from the beginners workshop and to anybody considering whether to attend one in the future i would say go for it, you will not regret it. I, like all the others, felt anxious prior to going but Andrew and the other participants were very friendly and you soon realise that you are all in the same position and that nobody is going to judge you.

It's held in a very relaxed / informal manner and you are not put under any pressure to go beyond what you feel comfortable in doing. I made a fair amount of progress and the drop off in the level of anxiety has been significant.

I think the key points for me are to only attempt de-sensing when i REALLY need to pee, to relax the abdomen and thinking that it really doesn't matter if i manage to go or not. I can always leave and try again later.

I would like to thank Andrew for giving up his time and for all his hard work. It is very much appreciated.

Martin

Re: Beginners Workshop Manchester (13/15 May 2011)

Posted by Raf on 17/5/2011, 11:41 am, in reply to "Beginners Workshop Manchester (13/15 May 2011)"

I too would like to thank Andrew for all his efforts and help the other day.

As someone pointed out during this meet up, “I was surprised everyone was normal”. This is exactly the same reaction I had. It is also the reason I was reluctant to go in the first place. I too thought that people with AP would be a bit strange. But how wrong I was. You, and anyone else that attends are all just as normal as one another!! So if you are reading this and asking yourself the same questions as I did, then just ignore them and sign up. You have nothing to lose.

I also thought that I was a lost cause and that anyway 48 hours wouldn’t help me whatsoever. Yes I still have a long way to go, but I now do feel that I’m on a track as opposed to no track at all.

Finally the very fact of talking to others (and even laughing about it) was slightly surreal for me. Until then I had never told a soul and had never intended too. But it took away so many anxiety of my chest it’s ridiculous.

While the mere thought of entering public facilities made me anxious to begin with, I now have a bit of a buzz thinking ‘screw this I’ll just go’, and if it doesn’t work, just try again a bit later.

So by speaking to other people, realising you are not a freak, de-sensing in a controlled environment, and equipping yourself with the right attitude and advice needed to deal with it, I’ve gone from thinking ‘I’m doomed for the rest of my life’, to ‘there is light at the end of the tunnel’.

As I said, if you are anything like me, I found it difficult to admit to myself I get anxious in such kind of situations and delayed going to one of the workshops for about 3 years. The fact that you are on this website, have clicked on the forum, and are reading this message no doubt means you suffering and want to do something about it. Therefore, just sign up, and don’t look back

Re: Beginners Workshop Manchester (13/15 May 2011)

Posted by Phil R on 19/5/2011, 8:09 pm, in reply to "Re: Beginners Workshop Manchester (13/15 May 2011)"

Hi,
First of all, it was great to meet you all who attended the workshop last weekend, everyone was very nice and I felt very welcome, also I had a good laugh. I thought long and hard about going to a workshop, I went because I really wanted to change things that where effecting my life.

Now I realise I’m so glad I did attend a workshop because I learnt so much. I came away not just feeling positive, I was also thinking and acting positive. For once I didn’t have a million thoughts rushing though my head, I think I was actually relaxed for a change. Five days later I am still on a high, feeling good and thinking positive.

I can honestly not think of anything negative to say about the workshop. I made significant progress and have continued to do so for the few days after.

I think everyone on the workshop was very nervous to begin with, however after we had said hello and broke the ice it was a warm and friendly atmosphere, - everyone had quickly realised that everyone else was normal! For me, this definitely felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders, - ‘I was not alone and neither are YOU!’

Thank you Andrew for running the workshop.

Re: Beginners Workshop Manchester (13/15 May 2011)

Posted by Steve on 17/5/2011, 6:13 pm, in reply to "Beginners Workshop Manchester (13/15 May 2011)"

To all who are considering attending a beginners workshop I throughly recommend it. Looking back before I attended the workshop I really don't know why I was nervous about coming. Everyone was really nice, extremely down to earth and "normal".

Thats right!!! Normal! And to those of you that are reading this YOU are normal too!

In the back of mind I kind of expected a group of nerdy weirdos for lack of a better term. But as I found out they were the most down to earth people ever and a great laugh! And if I saw them down the street I wouldn't think they had a shy bladder.

If you gain anything from this weekend It'll definitely be a boost to your self esteem. Just meeting people and being able to talk openly to people in the group in a pressure free environment is so liberating. It makes you feel like less on an "alien" and as if you really don't have a "problem"

My advice to anyone thinking of coming is just to bite the bullet and do it. You wont regret it. You have everything to gain from it. And its only one weekend in your life!!!

Thanks again to all the great people I've met. You've all been very helpful and supportive and Andrew for taking the time to put on such a great workshop. Your advice and help is very much appreciated.

Steve

Re: Beginners Workshop Manchester (13/15 May 2011)

Posted by Andy on 20/5/2011, 9:22 pm, in reply to "Beginners Workshop Manchester (13/15 May 2011)"

Just wanted to back up what the other guy's have been saying about the Manchester Beginners Workshop which I also attended last weekend. If you really want to start to get to grips with paruresis then there can surely be no better way of confronting this problem than by booking up to attend one of these courses asap. The atmosphere was relaxed and friendly and it quickly became apparent that those who suffer come from all walks of life and are perfectly normal everyday people.

I was genuinely surprised and delighted by the progress I made and now feel I have been equipped with the necessary tools to overcome this phobia. I left with a much needed boost in confidence along with some useful tips and techniques to aid positive thinking.

I'd like to thank the other guy's who attended the course and more importantly Andrew for the sterling work he does in helping so many confront this problem. The guy's a saint!

Andy

Re: Beginners Workshop Manchester (13/15 May 2011)

Posted by Tony on 22/5/2011, 6:29 pm, in reply to "Re: Beginners Workshop Manchester (13/15 May 2011)"

I also attended the Beginners workshop in Manchester last weekend, and would like to say what an incredibly positive experience it was for me.

I have had paruresis for around 15 or 16 years (I am 31 now), and at no point during that time would I have imagined I could have made the progress I made over the course of this weekend. Firstly, just being in an environment where I could openly talk about the issue with other people who understood was like a massive weight being lifted off my shoulders. Although I was very nervous beforehand, fairly quickly we were able to talk, with no embarrassment, about some past experiences which had remained bottled up for years.

Being in that controlled and relaxed environment removed most of the pressure, which in turn meant I was able to use the bathroom in circumstances I couldn't have before. Working slowly up my hierarchy meant that at no time was I put in an overly uncomfortable situation, while at the same time I was challenging myself through the desensing exercises.

It's been a week since the workshop and I've been sticking religiously to my action plan. I've had around 95% success, but possibly most importantly, when I've had a misfire it hasn't bothered me at all and every time it has happened I've then had success at the next attempt.

Thanks to all of the other guys who were on the course for making it an enjoyable as well as a productive weekend. Thanks especially to Andrew for putting so much time and effort into helping others through this website and the workshops.

For anyone reading this who is considering whether or not to sign up, I would say bite the bullet and just do it. It is far, far less scary than you might think - in fact it's a fun weekend overall - you'll make great progress and meet some nice people who are just like you.

Tony

Re: Beginners Workshop Manchester (13/15 May 2011)

Posted by Andrew on 22/5/2011, 10:27 pm, in reply to "Re: Beginners Workshop Manchester (13/15 May 2011)"

Hi all

Its heartwarming to see the positive feedback coming in. As usual, I am in a quandary when participants use the word "fun". It must be off-putting to you the nervous reader, wondering whether you dare come on a workshop, and wondering how on earth it can be "fun".

The answer is that it isn't fun! Certainly not on arrival, everyone is tense and wishing they did not need to be there. And the desensing is not fun, because by definition you are facing your fears, albeit in a controlled and safe way and in little manageable steps. Any fun comes later in the weekend and comes from being able to have a meal in a restaurant and a drink in a pub knowing there is no risk involved, and so being able to relax and, believe it or not, have a laugh about it. Does this seem unreal to you? Well that is the evidence of how the workshop can turn things round for you.

Cheers

Andrew

Re: Beginners Workshop Manchester (13/15 May 2011)

Posted by Phil H on 4/6/2011, 8:56 pm, in reply to "Beginners Workshop Manchester (13/15 May 2011)"

Hello fellow Manchester workshop attendees!

I have been meaning to write on here sooner but have been very busy with work.

To anyone reading this who is considering going to a workshop, I'd repeat what everyone else has said on here so far, do it! I came across this website after a couple of internet research sessions over a number of weeks after finding my paruresis seemingly take a greater presence in my life over the past year (I'm 30 now but have suffered from it for about 15 years). When I saw there was a beginner's workshop coming up shortly, I just decided to bite the bullet and go for it without much thought.

I think everyone was nervous when we met up on the first evening, but within a very short space of time I felt relaxed, comfortable in the knowledge that I was with a group of people who were all in a similar position to me.

Andrew provided a very structured, well thought out weekend that included de-sensing and relevant workshops and information relating to paruresis itself. I feel that the information he supplied provided a good starting off point on which to continue working on after the workshop had finished. The de-sensing did seem awkward to me when first described, but any fears I had were dispelled after beginning the first session.

I personally made better progress than expected over the weekend and finished the last de-sensing session using a public urinal in a manner I didn't think was possible at the beginning of the weekend. It's important to note that the weekend caters to all persons with differing levels of paruresis and that you're not forced to do anything or go anywhere that could make you feel uncomfortable (in this respect, the layout of the facilities in the hotel where the workshop was held was very helpful).

The only downside for me is that I have not had the time to actively put in to practice what I learnt about de-sensing over the weekend. I've tried to introduce elements of it into my normal working life with mixed success (although crucially, I don't look at failures as negative, but instead as a mis-fire or as a step too far and something to be built up to at a future time), but I look forward to having some more time (hopefully in 2 - 3 weeks) over the coming weekends where I can begin to practice it more consistently.

For me, the comparison of trying to overcome this condition with that of running a marathon was very helpful. Waking up one day and deciding you're going to go out and run a marathon wihtout putting in the relevant training will almost inevitably end in failure; don't push yourself into unrealistic goals. You need to take your training up in small incremental steps, building upon the success of previous stages.

I think it's important to stress the change of attitude I've had towards this condition since going to the workshop. Prior to it I thought it would be something that I would be continually afflicted with. However, the workshop has provided me with a starting point from which to work from and although I know there is still some way to go until I reach my end goal, I feel I have the tools to begin making this journey to what I would describe as a state of freedom -freedom from paruresis.

Phil

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