This Discussion Board is for men who
find it difficult or impossible to urinate in a public or social situation. Women should use the women's Board.
The Board is maintained and moderated by the
U.K. Paruresis Trust. Registered Charity no: 1109541.
For
further information, visit our website, or contact us at
Hi all. I've been looking at the message board for a couple of years now and just thought I would share this with you. I've been desensing for a couple of years or so now with varying results. I find the breath holding technique works for me but still struggle if stood next to someone. Any way I just wanted to share this situation with you, the worst I can imagine an AP sufferer in. I had to visit the toilet in a bar in my town. I wasn't desperate to go but thought I would just to check it out and try to challenge myself. Upon entering I found myself in a very small room and greeted by the guy who sprays you with aftershave when you leave. Then I saw the trough. So I had a guy watching me (at least in my eyes) trying to pee in to the most difficult of all urinals for an AP sufferer. I decided to retreat to the 1 cubical they had only to find a hole the size of a football in it and no lock!!!!! In the end I left defeated but amused. The whole thing was so ludicrous I had to laugh. But that really is my point. After 2 years of standing at urinals next to people and trying to pee no one has ever said anything, or shot a funny glance when I've stood there and not been able to go. I believe it is only really us that beat ourselves up about this. I don't have any answers to curing this, and although it is easy to say but not easy to do, I think if we can try to look on this problem with a bit of a lighter view it might just make it a little easier to deal with. Sorry If I've waffled a bit.
Take care all. M.
Re: Worst Nightmare
Posted by Mark L on 24/4/2011, 10:14 pm, in reply to "Worst Nightmare"
Hi Mark,
(Im a different Mark L by the way!)
I aggree with what you say about looking at this with a bit of humour. Why should we associate this condition with stress and anxiety, when taking a step back to look at it in a different way doesnt make it seem so bad.
You say 'after 2 years of standing at urunals and not going' - is this you de-sensing/practicing or is it you getting worked up and frustrated by not going? Its clear that this is too big a challenge for you and you need to take a step down, ie, getting used to going in cubicles with the door ajar, or onlt attempting a urinal when no one else is at them.
How long have you had it and have you considered any workshops?
Thanks for the reply. I,ve had AP since late teenage and i'm in my 30's now.
Just to make clear, my desencing is acctually going well and I can usually go with people around 8 out of 10 times. When I first started desencing 2 years ago I couldn't go any where even if the toilets were empty and I wouldn't have beleived I could have gotten to where I am now. So any one out there who reads this, don't give up on desencing if you have set backs along the way, just take a step back and try again. I know it's easier said than done, but when I first started desencing my legs would physically shake while stood at the urinal. I just kept doing it so many times it no longer scared me. I either managed to pee or I didn't, if I didn't I'd try again a little later. As I said in my last post I think what I was most scared of was people saying something and no one ever has!!!!!. I've come to look on it as I've had this for 14 years so its not going to be cured overnight.
I do still have setbacks like I'm sure we all do, but seeing how far I've come from where I was gives me optimism that eventually I will beat this. It no longer dictates my life like it used to.
As for a workshop, I will try to get to one eventually I know it can only help the process and all the reviews I've seen are extremely posative.
Thanks again Mark. Cheers. (oh, I've changed my name to avoid any confusion,....sorry Mark L.)