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UK paruresis trust

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Safety Behaviours

Posted by The Therapist on 11/1/2011, 10:24 pm

Having suffered pauresis for 20 years its only since becoming a therapist that I have truly understood it. When I studied CBT I really became to understand the role of safety behaviours in pauresis and all anxiety disorders. At its worst I would spend a whole night in the pub watching the toilet and the pauresis was chronic. By slowly removing the safety behaviours I have got better and better and it no longer dominates my life.
A good behavioral experiment to convince your brain that there is no danger is to go into a motorway services toilet when you DONT want to go. Stay as long as you can. Then the next day do it again but stay longer. Notice how noone pays any attention to you.This experiment challenges the irrational thought that everyone is aware that you cant go.
Interestingly I have spotted friends with pauretic safety behaviours but its hard to offer them help on such a sensitive subject.

Re: Safety Behaviours

Posted by Ann on 14/1/2011, 10:08 pm, in reply to "Safety Behaviours"

I'm not if this could be described as a very misguided "safety behaviour" - early on in my paruresis experience I discovered I could pee more readily to the sound of running water - such a cliche, but it worked ... until the day arrived when I could ONLY pee to the sound of running water! It took a great deal of training (and still sometimes does) to get beyond that.

Re: Safety Behaviours

Posted by The Therapist on 16/1/2011, 9:05 pm, in reply to "Re: Safety Behaviours"

The trouble with all safety behaviours is sooner or later they fail and this increases anxiety. I assume running water is not something you can always do so this too was destined to failure. The test for a safety behaviour is to ask whether it is logical. All safety behaviours are illogical when you really scrutinise them.
They key to overcoming any anxiety disorder is to deal with actual cause of the anxiety and teach the brain that there is no real danger. Anything that reinforces that there is a danger (like a safety behaviour) makes it worse. In the case of pauresis it is a exaggerated fear of humilation that drives the anxiety. I have found that more people I tell the less daunting the humilation feels. When I bottled it up for decades (wife didn't even know) it was at its worst.

Re: Safety Behaviours

Posted by Simon on 19/1/2011, 7:02 pm, in reply to "Re: Safety Behaviours"

How for would you go in telling people... you say the more people you have told the better you feel.

I defintely agree you should tell someone. When I told my gf it was a real turning point for me. from there I told a roomfull of people on the beginners workshop with me, and that was great as well, but I have told myself that that is enough people to tell.... but I just wonder what your opinion is?

There is an American guy on the web, he wears a TShirt saying 'Shy Bladder: So What' when he is out desensing. Thats the other end of the spectrum I guess! Probably he is taking it too far in my opinion

Re: Safety Behaviours

Posted by Mark L on 19/1/2011, 11:31 pm, in reply to "Re: Safety Behaviours"

I think its best to tell only the people you need to tell. For example - your partner as they spend most of their time with you and to be dodging around etc and telling fibs isnt really healthy for a relatioship!

Mates - if you are planning a trip, stag night or whatever then your closest mates might be worth telling so they can understand in advance if you dont want to go somewhere or need someone to cover for you.#

Parents - up to you, if you are close to them and think talking to them about shy bladder will help you then why not. Or maybe you are going away on holiday with them.

Personally - my parents have known from when this started, ie when I was 7 years old and I still talk to them occasionally now about it. My wife - for the reasons above plus it was a load off my mind when I did tell her. No one else needs to know so I havent told anyone else.

All in my opinion of course! To me, telling lots of people would make me feel paraniod that everyone would know iv gone to the toilet and that they all know I might take a long time etc.

Mark

Re: Safety Behaviours

Posted by Andrew on 20/1/2011, 8:51 am, in reply to "Re: Safety Behaviours"

Hi all

Our advice is to tell only those individuals who both need to know and whom you trust. So if they dont need to know, why bother them with something personal; if you dont trust them, then its a no-no.

Cheers

Andrew

Re: Safety Behaviours

Posted by The Therapist on 21/1/2011, 9:31 pm, in reply to "Re: Safety Behaviours"

This is a real tricky one. While I commend the guy with the T shirt its not something I would recommend. Letting everyone know in an instant is many pauretics worst nightmare. In therapy terms this would be known as flooding. Flooding may work for some people but is extreme and has its risks. The recommended approach for treating any anxiety disorder is gradual gentle exposure to your worst fear. Just tell those close, to start with. As you realise its not such a big deal you may be able to tell a few more. As you reduce your safety behaviours you will find that you feel more comfortable talking about. Eventually you will be able to talk about it in a more casual way e.g. i used to have this problem, it occasionally shows its face but its not big deal. The whole world doesnt need to know and probably isnt interested so just tell those who you are (only midly un)comfortable telling.

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