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Hi all I haven't posted on here for a few years now as after attending a beginners workshop found my paruresis to considerably improve and found myself managing in most situations, I have since attended big concerts and a long haul flight things I never thought possible.
My reason for messaging is today my 11yr old daughter said something and it struck terror into my heart as its exactly how my paruresis started she said I am going to the toilet now(we were at home) because when I am at school and other people are in the toilets its so quiet I dont like going because they can hear me!!
As far as I am aware I have always managed to keep my problem hidden from the kids and have always made going to the toilet as natural a thing as possible so I am terrified she is going to end up having the same hellish teenage years I did, is it possible it is hereditary and how can I make sure we nip it in the bud I replied to her that no one would be interested in what she was doing in the loo as they to busy looking at themselves or chatting away but she didnt seem convinced.
I can understand how worried you are, but there could be a simpler reason. A survey of that age group of school children in the North East by some school nurses found that over half of the grls and over a third of the boys avoided the toilets at school either because of the condition and/or because of behavioural problems in the toilets. Also, as you may know, girls can form cliques that exclude others. Her scepticism to your comment about "no-one is interested" could be because of the opposite, that some clique behaviour may be going on.
So your daughter's behaviour could well be "normal" because of that.
You could judge her shyness elaewhere i.e. at home, out at friends, cinema etc. Does she exhibit shyness there?
As for heredity: I doubt it is heriditary: I think it is much more to do with personality which is inherited i.e. level of self-consciousness and rumination i.e. level of chewing things over in the mind. This allied to an event that triggers paruresis, and reinforces it.
Take comfort that the simplest reasons are the most likely
Thank you Andrew for your reply she is a very self concious person like me I will definately be keeping an eye on her and looking out for any tell tale signs I was the master of disguising my problem so know what to look out for hopfully it turns out to be me being a worrier and nothing else.
Interesting question. Most anxiety disorders are thought to be a combination of genetic susceptiblity (I like to call it wired to worry) and environmental factors. My father has pauresis. I have it and recently my son has shown early signs of it even though he doesn't live with me (so its not a learned fear). However children often show signs of anxiety but they grow out of it. Often the parents are more concerned about it than them. True some will grow up with the anxiety and it may reach disorder level but its not inevitable. The danger is taking a child for treatment at a young age can pathologise something that might have gone on its own. Keep an eye on it but don't make a big thing of it