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Posted by Callum on 27/9/2010, 3:23 pm Message modified by board administrator 2/10/2010, 9:21 am
I'm 22 years old and i've this problem with urinating in public for as long as I can remember. Whenever i'm out and if i need to pee, I always hold it in and wait until I get home, I just can't bring myself to pee i'n a public toilet when's there's other's in the toilet. Yesterday I was in Blackpool and I had to pee really badly, I went into a store's toilet and went straight into a cubicle(I NEVER use urinals, I tried so hard so hard to pee but I just couldn't cos I knew there was others in the vicinity and it was impossible, I ended up leaving the toilet without having had a pee. I decided to go back and try again but this time I went into the solo disabled loo which was vacant and locked the door, I pee'd straight away without any problems, I know I have a problem and its really embarassing and it makes me feel ashamed.
Re: My problem
Posted by Simon on 27/9/2010, 6:22 pm, in reply to "My problem"
Hi Callum
Don't worry, you are not alone, and you have come to the right place. There is no shame in using cubicles, and if you find yourself unable to go just go back again when it is less busy.
Aside from that, read the stuff on this forum, the website, check out the book Shy Bladder Syndrome and get yourself on a workshop.
I was in your situation 12 months ago but since then I've made steps where I am now ok in most situations. It takes a lot of practice but the more you understand the condition, and the more you take steps to 'desense' yourself, the easier it is to live with and fix
Re: My problem
Posted by Mark L on 27/9/2010, 7:29 pm, in reply to "Re: My problem"
Hi Callum,
Your story is identical to so many of us sufferers so dont worry. It can all change from here now that you have discovered this forum. Follow Simons advice and also read as many forum topics as you can.
Speak soon,
Mark
Re: My problem
Posted by Andrew on 28/9/2010, 10:31 am, in reply to "My problem"
Hi Calum
Well done for getting it off your chest; it is a very upsetting condition to have as you well know.
You mention being embarrassed and feeling shame. Please put shame aside: it is not your choice that you struggle to pee; it is totally out of your control and probably results from something that happened when you were very young that linked anxiety with peeing. You then got into a vicious circle of avoiding situations, so you got less used to them, so you avoided even more, and so on.
The major feedback we get from guys who eventually tell a trusted friend or family member about their paruresis, is that it is no big deal to the listener, and often the listener forgets they were told about it; so it is not seen as a cause for shame or embarrassment by other people.
You mention Blackpool which suggests you live in the North-west - relax, along with millions of others ;-). We are running a workshop in Manchester the weekend after next - the details are in a posting above this one. I realise this is a bit sudden, but if you could come along - it is a safe place where you will be carefully looked after, and you can start turning round this beast of a condition, in a way that is completely in your control. Email me at the support email address (see top of page) if you want to know more.
Near this posting is feedback from the guys who attended the workshop in London a week ago; notice how they felt safe there.
Keep in touch; we CAN sort this out for you
cheers
Andrew
Re: My problem
Posted by Dan on 28/9/2010, 12:18 pm, in reply to "My problem"
Hi Callum,
I am one of the guys that attended the London workshop, I too am 22 and was in a very similar situation to you. The workshop did wonders and you won't regret it!
Disabled Toilets
Posted by Colin on 28/9/2010, 12:27 pm, in reply to "My problem"
Callum I think you did the right thing. As a backup when you are desperate, or the situation too challenging, use a "Disabled" toilet. Disabled Toilets usually have full-length doors, and are bigger than normal cubicles so you feel further away from the door. Most Disabled Toilets are not reserved solely for those with a registered disability, but are merely "enabled" for use by disabled persons. (Those with restrictions will state this clearly on the door, and often require a RADAR key to enter). So if you are caught short, use the disabled! Simples. (Anyone who is wary of giving these a go could always try faking it a few times first so you get to realise absolutely no-one questions you) Who is to say that AP is not a disability? Not all disabled people have a limb missing! You can't always tell by looking. If you need a bit more space and privacy, consider using a Disabled Toilet.