Recidivism

Posted by Rob on 5/4/2010, 3:12 pm

I'd like to ask Andrew and others who subscribe to this board for some advice. I have a fairly severe form of paruresis and since I was eleven have not been able to use public urinals and frequently have been unable to pee even in the cubicles in restaurants, pubs, other people's homes, etc. About three years ago I summoned up my courage and attended one of the UKPT workshops. It was a fantastic experience and I came back from the workshop not cured, but certainly much better able to manage my condition. I went on the second workshop some months later and then followed this up by working with a fellow sufferer who I met at the workshop. We met up once a week for several months and both found that we were making pretty good progress. We live quite a long way apart and it took about an hour to travel each way, but even so I think we both felt that it was worth the effort. Continued desensitisation meant that I while was still not able to use urinals, but, I was usually able to use cubicles in public places and even sometimes managed to go without shutting the door. Unfortunately, time pressures/work/laziness/complacency all kicked in and I called a halt to the training. I've found that as time rolls by I have started to get worse again and now find that I am restricting my social life for fear that I will not be able to pee. The bad experiences have begun to take their toll! For example, I went up to London a few weeks ago to meet a friend and had one of those awful experiences where I found I just couldn't go anywhere. I spent about two hours roaming around the public toilets of London trying to find one that was quiet enough and private enough to enable me to pee. In the end, I did manage to go. But as you all will know, these really bad experiences leave their mark and however much "positive self talk" I indulge in, I find I'm turning down more and more social opportunities. I am starting to fight back. Most of my friends know about this condition and I have recruited a couple of male friends to act as "pee buddies". This works out reasonably well, but it's hard to do this on enough of a regular basis to really make good progress. I'm now wondering what to do next. I'm sure I cannot be the only UKPT recidivist! Have others had this experience of making some progress but then sliding back down again? One possibility would be to extend the number of friends who I ask to help, but I do feel rather uncomfortable with this. I have gone quite a long way in overcoming my shame at suffering from paruresis, but not yet confident enough to want to share it with everyone I know! I have thought about employing somebody for a couple of hours a week to help me with the desensitisation training; however I'm not at all sure how I would go about advertising for this position! Another possibility would be to meet up with one or more fellow sufferers are asked to help each other. I live on the south coast near Portsmouth. Are there any local support groups? Any thoughts would be really welcome. Rob