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Posted by Eddie O' on 9/11/2009, 8:42 pm Message modified by board administrator 10/11/2009, 8:53 am
Hi all My first thread was on the 27th Oct. As a result of the all the great support I received from that a few things have improved for me. I should explain my peeing problems. no way can I use a public urinal unless I'm sure there is no one in the building other wise its the cubicle for me at all times & even that can be a little problematic at times. now I'm feeling much better about myself, all the positive feed back & support from the message board has given me some confidence & believe in myself. I feel much better about using the cubicles & have even tried the urinal in the local shopping center but that was a step too far,nothing happened, still, the first time I tried that in 35 years. My goal now is to try the cubicle with the door slightly open & plenty of people around. maybe I moving too fast, what do you guys think ?
Eddie O'
Re: Power of discussion board
Posted by Jonathan on 9/11/2009, 10:29 pm, in reply to "Power of disscussion board" Message modified by board administrator 10/11/2009, 8:54 am
Glad to hear it, Eddie. I have found exactly the same as you. You will be surprised how quickly things can develop from now on, and I think you are taking the right approach.
Just by following advice on this site and in Steven Soifer's book (I have not yet been to any workshops - still got that to look forward to I guess!) I've been regularly desensing and have been blown away by the progress I've made. Only a couple of months ago I was basically in the same position you are. I don't go out specifically to desense, but I take a little and often approach voiding completely once I hit 7 or 8/10. That means I get maybe 2 or 3 chances a day away from home, and I look on it as a kind of game or challenge instead of facing up to some fear, ie. I actually see it as something to look forward to! The only problem I've had is knowing how much water I need to get that urgency, it seems to vary all the time for me.
I found that I could use cubicles reliably unless the adjacent one was occupied and there was little background noise, so the next step was moving onto a door paritally/fully open situations in busy toilets. Moving onto urinals - I found a quiet facility in my local park where I could literally stand for ten minutes and not see or hear a soul, so after about three attempts I managed to go there once. Then again, and again. Then I found a good clean, spacious and fairly quiet facility on an upper floor of a shopping centre where there are plenty of urinals all with dividers and made a point of drinking plenty of water then using that once every day. After a couple of weeks of success, confidence boosted no end, I decided to try a much busier toilet in another shopping centre, first time was quite difficult, second time a bit easier, third time I locked up completely. Important thing when that happens is to recognise it's perfectly normal, go away and come back again another time. I've been using busy motorway services quite a bit over the last week and am finding that easy so far which is something I couldn't have imagined only a short time ago.
I find the misfires only happen if I approach the toilet having any kind of negative thought about not being able to pee, but my experience is that success really does reinforce itself and as a result you'll have those thoughts less and less often. I also find that doing it so regularly means that it feels like the normal thing to go straight to the urinals rather than the cubicle now. I am nowhere near "cured" (there's still a proximity issue going on and everything I've described is only possible on a strong urge) but persistence is definately starting to pay off in my case, so I'm happier than ever right now.
In a nutshell, keep at it. Does that help?
Re: Power of discussion board
Posted by Andrew on 10/11/2009, 8:33 am, in reply to "Re: Power of disscussion board" Message modified by board administrator 10/11/2009, 8:54 am
Hi Jonathan
Well done! Good advice and good practicing.
Re cubicles; we use the phrase "loud and proud". You can get the flow going quietly by peeing on the porcelain, and once the flow is established, move to pee in the water: plenty of noise i.e loud and proud!
Positive thoughs are so important as you say.
A good trick is to fake it i.e. go in thinking "I'm not going to pee the first time", just stand there and get comfortable with the environment. That means when you return a few minutes later, you feee a bit more relaxed. Sometimes, because there is no pressure to perform while faking it, you actually do pee.
Your plan for the cubicle: try the door slightly open when there is no-one around just to get over any negative thoughts that generates. When comfortable with that, move up a step by doing it when there are a few people around.
Re urinals, Jonathan's reply to you is a good example of how to do it in steps. And use the "faking it" method to introduce easier intermediate steps.
Thanks for the info. There is a lot there to work on and yes Jonathon, I will keep at it, after all what I have I got to loose, a better life! I guess its all about dispelling negative thoughts and eliminating anxiety.