This Discussion Board is for men who
find it difficult or impossible to urinate in a public or social situation. Women should use the women's Board.
The Board is maintained and moderated by the
U.K. Paruresis Trust. Registered Charity no: 1109541.
For
further information, visit our website, or contact us at
I just felt compelled to write in to express my gratitude to all you people for running this website and sharing your problems. Like you all, I have been putting up with AP since my early teens, and in hindsight probably just after puberty, which may be significant, and that is an awful long time ago now considering I am 57! I only started looking on the internet a couple of months ago, with an operation looming. I felt that it really was about time to face up to AP and the information I have found on your site has been so helpful. I have had my operation and of course had to tell the doctors and nurses there was no way I could pee in to a bed-pan or whatever the equivalent is called these days. As others have frequently stated, just admitting your problem to anyone else outside ones immediate family is a first big step. The doctors were understanding and helpful. I had a catheter fitted for a day so there was no immediate worry, but then the next day, after it was removed, I had to leave them with a urine sample before being discharged. Fortunately there was a cubicle nearby, and with my wife standing guard outside, I was able to produce the required sample. My AP is not as severe as some of you poor people put up with, not these days anyway. I think that as I have got older it has gradually become easier, although actually standing next to anyone at a urinal and performing seems a distant dream. I will have to think about a workshop sometime, although it will be difficult to fit it in around work (I have a farm), but reading the information you have on the website, as I said before, has already been of immense help. Best wishes to you all.
Re: Gratitude
Posted by Andrew on 16/9/2009, 12:05 pm, in reply to "Gratitude"
Hi Andy
What a nice guys you are; on behalf of the others guys who are involved with this trust, thank you very much for your gratitude.
I must admit sometimes, when things are quiet, I wonder if we are being really effective; then we run a workshop, or a posting like yours pops up, and I am reminded that there ARE guys out there watching but not talking; guys (and girls) who need this Trust and its site, along with the support and services we can give.
You are right, as you get older, things can ease off a bit; I think with age comes less sensitivity to peer pressure, and more comfort with oneself generally.
You run a farm; I assume there must be a way of getting someone in to look after things? What do you do for holidays or illness? OK, no holidays and not allowed to be ill :-) It all adds to the cost of a workshop, but then you have the rest of your life to enjoy more fully, and so does your wife, so it has to be worth it. Just say "I am going on a workshop in 2010, and that takes priority over just about everything else"
Good to hear from you, and do tell us some more about how you cope with your paruresis.
cheers
Andrew
Re: Gratitude
Posted by Pete L on 16/9/2009, 2:18 pm, in reply to "Gratitude"
Hi Andy
I think Andrew hit the nail on the head; What a nice guy. And don't forget brave too - putting your feelings in to words and then sticking them for all to see. It's the first step to a better life, and a big one at that.
I know nothing about farming but, if it helps you to get on a workshop, i'll help out on your farm for the weekend!
Pete
Re: Gratitude
Posted by jimcreg on 16/9/2009, 10:10 pm, in reply to "Re: Gratitude"
Well done Andy for posting. I'm a similar age to you & also reckon AP for me started around puberty. Again, like you, I'm not as "bad" as some people here and recently the whole thing has bothered me less, but my goodness how I would love to be able to perform at the urinal. Nothing else for it,mate - we will just have to sign up for a Workshop. I have been putting it off for too long. Jim.
Re: Gratitude
Posted by Andy on 18/9/2009, 8:48 am, in reply to "Re: Gratitude"
Many thanks for your comments, and Pete, very kind of you to offer to farmsit, just how much experience do you have with sheep and donkeys? Don't worry, I wont hold you to it, we have a friend who comes and looks after things when we ever go away, so yes, I must try and get to a workshop. Like many others, I have learnt to cope with AP by avoiding drinking much before going out for the day, or evening. I normally volunteer to drive so have a good excuse not to be knocking back the beer, but it does get very frustrating at times of course, especially at beer festivals, or out for a day on the bike in warm weather. I learnt the hard way as a youngster - went to a football match in London (think it was Chelsea, only because one of my friends supported them) and found it was hours before I finally managed to empty an almost exploding bladder. Not a nice sensation. One thing I have learnt is that I have found it easier to release my flow by not looking down but by tilting my head right back, almost looking at the ceiling - obviously you have to make sure there isn't an aiming problem. This seems to work for me, and I have no idea why. Is there perhaps a nerve that controls the bladder release situated at the back of the neck that gets slightly stimulated by this action? Perhaps someone else would like to put this to the test. As you say ,Andrew, ones inhibitions do become a little less as one ages. I was always very shy as a youngster, but have tried to combat that over the years with hobbies such as a bit of amateur dramatics, committee work, even a bit of public speaking. The nervousness never goes away, but there is always a great sense of accomplishment afterwards. After all, even professional actors admit to nerves before performances, in fact they probably wouldn't be as good without that adrenalin burst. Andy
Re: Gratitude
Posted by Pete L on 18/9/2009, 10:35 am, in reply to "Re: Gratitude"
Hi Andy
I know that sheep go 'baa' and donkeys go ee-awwe (or however that's spelt)!! Other than that, I know nothing. I did work on a duck farm as a youngster so I can lift a bale of straw! Probably not much help to you i'm sure
Andy, it sounds to me like you have accomplished a great many things in your life and that AP is the only thing which is yet to accomplish. Beleive me, with practice (much easier than public speaking in my opinion), and a 'WORKSHOP', you are very close to the accomplishment. My words won't give you the feeling and satisfaction that you get at the workshop. You have to experience that one for yourself.
I would imagine that tilting your head back and looking at the ceiling takes your mind off doing the do. I suppose that looking at the wall relates to not being able to pee so, therefore, looking at something different won't have the same affect. And to think, teachers used to say that the answer is not on the ceiling!! What do teachers know! Like you say though, you need to make sure you're flow is aiming in the same direction.....could cause an embarassing wet patch....or a fight!!
While we are on that topic, Andrew and Colin will explain why your 'pee function' stops when you are in toilet situations - amazing how the body works!! Not telling though, I'll leave that for the experts.
You'll be drinking more than ever (hopefully) once you've been on a workshop. I've turned into a fluidoholic! Anyway, must go, I need a drink!!
