U.K. PARURESIS TRUST

UK paruresis trust

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New here.. and planning to move home soon, need help!!!

Posted by sjc2303 on 15/5/2009, 3:21 pm

Hi

I'm a 21 year old bloke and have had this problem for about 10 months now. I'm restricted to just using my own bathroom at home, although I think this might be a tad self-imposed - over the last month I've just not bothered with public toilets, which is probably a step backwards rather than forwards. But I'm going to try some of this "gradual exposure" I've read about.

Anyway, so working on the basis of me only being able to use my own bathroom with comfort, I want to get fellow sufferers opinions on something.

I am planning to move from where I live (northwest) to Manchester. It's 36 miles away, but I don't think it's the distance that's the source of anxiety - the question remains the same even if I was only moving 5 miles away.. does anyone think there is a possibility that, G-d forbid, I won't be able to use my new bathroom??

I don't know much about this condition yet, but this is my main concern. What do you all think? Any possibility of it being a "territorial" thing? Or do you reckon it'll just be a case of me being able to settle in to using a new bathroom with ease? (Considering all the same psychological prerequsites will be there - silence, privacy etc.)

Cheers!!

Re: New here.. and planning to move home soon, need help!!!

Posted by Mark L on 15/5/2009, 8:08 pm, in reply to "New here.. and planning to move home soon, need help!!!"

Hi mate,

Any quite, private toilet can become your 'safe' toilet. It may take some getting used to but you will get there.

eg. When I first met my fiancee, I simply could not use the loo at her parents house where she lived. It took a few weeks before I even attempted it. I could only manage to go if it was 3am and everyone was asleep. Over a short time, it quickly became easier and easier and turned into a 100% 'safe' toilet.

Are you living alone at the moment, and will you be alone in your new home? If you answer this, it will be easier for us to help you and give you advice etc...

Its naturall to avoid public toilets or challenging situations, but as you havent had this condition long it should be easier to rectify.

All the best,

Mark

Re: New here.. and planning to move home soon, need help!!!

Posted by Andrew on 15/5/2009, 8:34 pm, in reply to "New here.. and planning to move home soon, need help!!!"

Hi there

Good to hear from you.

I am 99% certain that you will have no problem. This is based on the fact that all the participants who attend our workshops have their own hotel ensuite room, and all are comfortable with that; this includes severe cases who can pee only at home with no visitors present. Any territorial aspect is covered by the fact that your new place will be your territory.

cheers

Andrew

Re: New here.. and planning to move home soon, need help!!!

Posted by Geoff P on 16/5/2009, 10:16 am, in reply to "New here.. and planning to move home soon, need help!!!"

Hello Friend

As Andrew says, your new home will be your teritory but Mark is also right; will you be sharing? Have you seen your new place?

Could you share something about how the condition has come about? I've suffered with it since childhood and can see exactly how it came to be but I'd really like to be able to understand what could cause it in a 21 year old. I can only guess that it must have been something very traumatic?

Do keep posting. There are a lot of guys with all sorts of experiences of this condition, so you will get a lot of support.

Cheers mate,

Geoff.

Re: New here.. and planning to move home soon, need help!!!

Posted by Joe C on 27/5/2009, 12:05 am, in reply to "Re: New here.. and planning to move home soon, need help!!!"

Hi There Planning to move home soon, not sure if that's where you're going or where you will have to go if the the AP gets on top (I've had to previously), regardless I'm 29 and have had AP for a good (actually quite bad) 12 years or so. My immediate advice is that it will probly all depend on the privacy of the toilet and the proximity of others when u r in the toilet.
At 10 months if you can curb it by self-disciplined CBT/ gradual exposure according to info on this site/ text books available, go for it. If not get urself booked on a beginners workshop ASAP. Read the feedback on the latest workshop in Manchester to give you an idea of how they go;
Wishing you good luck and speed in recovery

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