U.K. PARURESIS TRUST

UK paruresis trust

This Discussion Board is for men who find it difficult or impossible to urinate in a public or social situation. Women should use the women's Board.
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New arrival

Posted by Steve on 11/5/2009, 11:34 am
Message modified by board administrator 11/5/2009, 3:35 pm

Hello. I've suffered from paruresis for around 45 years - since I was in my early 20s. It's had a profound effect on the way I've lived. You're no doubt all familiar with the way that the strategies you develop for avoiding "dangerous" loos become second nature and it is in this way your life takes an entirely different direction to that it might otherwise have done: no long distance flights/rail travel, no dinner parties, no social occasions, reunions with old friends - anything in fact involving the need to pee away from a very limited number of "safe" places. My reason for recounting this is to urge those who are starting this journey to put all the energy you can spare into tackling it. Even partial success will make a huge difference.

Re: New arrival

Posted by Andrew on 11/5/2009, 3:35 pm, in reply to "New arrival"

Hi Steve

We have already been in touch by email. So well done for posting here, and I trust you will get support and encouragement from the others.

cheers

Andrew

Re: New arrival

Posted by Pete on 11/5/2009, 9:36 pm, in reply to "New arrival"

Steve,
Not sure from your posting what your present position is, but if you're still struggling, take heart. Compared with me (now 85) you're a young man and still have plenty of time to get yourself a "life". I recognise all the symptoms you describe and it wasn't until just over a year ago that I found this site and realised I wasn't the only person on the planet with the problem.

Since then, after reading Stephen Soifer's book, going on two UKPT Workshops and taking other people into my confidence, my attitude and behaviour have changed enormously and I'm doing things I never thought possible.

So, if you haven't already done so, read the book and arrange with Andrew to go on a Workshop as soon as possible. And, if you can, try to find another paruretic in your locality, as I have recently been very, very lucky to do, who is prepared to meet, talk, and go out with you - it is incredibly rewarding and helpful.

Best of luck.

Pete.

Re: New arrival

Posted by Geoff P on 12/5/2009, 9:41 am, in reply to "New arrival"

Hi Steve

Welcome to the Message Board. Now you are among friends who understand and will support you.

I guess we've all been suffering with this most of our lives, as it doesn't seem to be something that develops later on, as far as I'm aware. The thing is to look forward now you've found some help. Regretting the past and wondering what might have been doesn't help any of us. I've got a bucketful of regrets over all sorts of things but I know I can't change any of it. And anyway, we can only imagine what life might have been like. All we know is that it could have been different, not necessarily better.

From your last two sentences, it sounds like you're putting everything into sorting this problem out. I've found that if I put too much in, I end up pressurising myself, and that can be counter-productive. But I guess we all have to find the right balance that works best for us.

Best of luck with your progress. Do try to get on a Beginners Course if you can. I'm booked in on the London one in June and can't wait!

Let us know how you get on.

All the best,

Geoff

Re: New arrival

Posted by Mark L on 12/5/2009, 10:48 pm, in reply to "Re: New arrival"

Hi Steve,

Well done for getting on the forum. You made a valid point there; its not untill you have lived with this condition for so long without any help, that you wish you had done something about it a long time ago!

Thankfully, nower days most people have access to the internet and can easily find help. People just need to get on a workshop and start to tackle it!

As Pete mentioned, do you still suffer from this in a way that it affects your day to day life style? Or have you managed to tackle it in any way?

All the best,

Mark.

Re: New arrival

Posted by Steve on 13/5/2009, 10:15 am, in reply to "Re: New arrival"

Yjank you all for your kind and helpful comments. I've just started a cognitive behavioural thingy with an NHS therapist; I feel very lucky to get this. She suggested I get in touch with UKPT. I would very much like to attend a workshop but there is an irony that I'm sure others have encountered, that is I'm sure it's fine when you get there, but how do you cope while travelling! I need a venue within an hour or so of home. One last observation - about ten years ago I had a course of hypnotherapy. I'm a difficult subject (he told me) but eventually he was just about able to hypnotise me and this was to some extent successful. I can use motorways now, for the most part without too much difficulty (not urinals) whereas I couldn't before. This chap was recommended by my GP so I could trust him. Has anyone out there tried hypnosis, and with any success?

Re: New arrival

Posted by Geoff P on 13/5/2009, 10:38 am, in reply to "Re: New arrival"

Hi Steve,

If you don't think you could make the journey to a workshop, how about getting in touch with another sufferer in your area and meeting up for mutual support?

Maybe Andrew could put you in contact with someone. Or he may have a better idea.

Cheers,

Geoff.

Re: New arrival

Posted by Pete L on 13/5/2009, 12:08 pm, in reply to "Re: New arrival"

Hi Steve

I've been to a hynotherapist about this - see my reply on the thread by Bea 'child abuse and paruresis'.

I didn't get on at all too well. To be honest, I think it was due to the fact that I didn't have that 'relationship' with the hypnotherapist. I didn't have much trust in the guy, which didn't help much! I guess it is a case of different methods work for different people. Besides, his theory for the practice/ method was rediculous....read the thread and you will get my meaning.

Try to get on the course Steve, I'm going, it'll be nice to meet up.

In the meantime, if you are able to, Soiffers book is a great first step to recovery. When I read it, it read as though someone was narrating my life!!

Regards

Pete L

Re: New arrival

Posted by Andrew on 13/5/2009, 4:23 pm, in reply to "Re: New arrival"

Hi Steve

Could you get in touch with me by email (see the address at the top of the page), to look at the problem of distance and getting to workshop.

cheers

Andrew

Re: New arrival

Posted by Mark L on 13/5/2009, 6:20 pm, in reply to "Re: New arrival"

Steve,

I had 2 hypnotherapy sessions about 6 months ago, the thing that let me down was not following up the anchor techniques etc. I can emagine hypnosis to be more sucessful though.

Try to get to a workshop though, as Andrew said give him an email to discuss.

Mark

Re: New arrival

Posted by Ross on 15/5/2009, 9:39 am, in reply to "New arrival"

Hi Steve, welcome to a group that can help you to overcome avoidant paruresis. I'm about your age (63y) and live in Sydney OZ, when I was 59, and having suffered with AP for over 45y, I stumbled across the IPA site which told me all about paruresis. I made contact with the Sydney Support Group, bought the book "Shy Bladder Syndrome" by Steven Soifer, started down the desensitisation road with some pee-buddies, (my wife was the first pee-buddy), and now normally have no problem while out and about travelling by car, bus, plane or train etc... I normally make sure that I do not go to the toilet before leaving home so that I will have to use a public toilet while out.

Recovery is possible from this social anxiety disorder, it will take time and plenty of practice by yourself and with other sufferers, but it is all worth it.

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