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The wife wanted to go shopping at West Quay in Southampton, so I took the opportunity to get a bit more practice in. West Quay is a large shopping centre with toilets on the ground floor and at the top by the food hall. These are modern and spacious and whilst the urinals don't have dividers, they do have this funky sensor thing that seems to make them flush a couple of seconds after you stand there which I found most helpful! There was a steady flow of people and I managed to go a couple down from people several times.
I also tried my luck at Ikea across the road which had 2 toilets, one with 3 urinals and one with just two, but they had dividers. I was able to go here no problem - in the one with only 2 urinals they were both busy on my arrival so I had to wait to use one, but I was able to go no problem.
I also ventured into M&S but it was empty so no challenge there, but John Lewis provided more interesting as it had 3 urinals with no dividers, and when I first popped in there, number 2 was in use, so I went to no. 3 and someone quickly took no.1 and I had a misfire, though I probably only stood there for about 25 seconds or so. I then went back to the food hall ones and had a couple more successes before going back to John Lewis where I followed some bloke in , who went to the middle one (poor etiquette), so I went to no.3 and after about 10-15 seconds I went, so I was very pleased with myself, a very good morning's work!
I have to stress that I would never have been able to do this without firstly, going to a workshop, and secondly, going to a follow-up workshop. They have completely changed my mindset, and now I am in control rather than my AP being in control of me. I have been to West Quay before, but I couldn't remember what the toilets were like because before I would have headed straight for the cubicles without giving the urinals a second glance. The fact that I was disappointed that the toilets in M&S were empty is proof enough! So for those of you going on the next workshop, you won't regret it, and if you are thinking about doing one - do it - it will change your life!
Lastly, I still fin pub toilets most challenging - especially when it's 2 or 3 urinals close together or a trough! Also as Raymond said in his 'Perplexed' posting a few weeks ago, I also find that when I've had a few pints I seem to get more anxious about going whereas you would have thought the alcohol would make me more relaxed. I suppose after years of being in pubs where I'd be watching the toilet door like a hawk, or waiting until after my mates had all been until I go, means that pub toilets are at the top of my hierarchy and where I have felt most anxious in the past. Going out with a couple of mates on Thursday though, so I shall drink a pint of water beforehand and get a bit of practice in!
Well done mate, im pleased for you! Iv been to West Quay loads of times (my Uni halls were 10 mins walk from there) and iv not been in the WC's once! I now know what to expect for when I do go there next.
Im impressed at the dedication you showed, I assume your wife was busy shopping while all this was going on?!
When you followed the guy in on the last one (where he went to the middle one), was he still standing there when you started? Wether he was or not, you've come along loads! The fact that you're going to drink before going out with mates is very encouraging. How did the beer festivel go?
Im the same with pup toilets or similar, its too intimate and quite with no distractions which makes it too hard to start if someone is next to you. This is way ahead on my challenge list but im getting there!
Well done Robin. So now keep on going in all these same places; no need to up the ante, not that is there is much up to go! Repetition until you find that your expectation of peeing will be so solid, that you will be taking it for granted. How long does this take? As long as a piece of string :-)
As for the pub: perhaps it needs more time until the above occurs.
As for drinking. Thinking on it, I suspect that a moderate amount of alcohol allows your inner nature come to the fore. In this case, a slightly anxious one. It would take a good bit more alcohol i.e. drunk, to remove all anxiety i.e a two stage process.
In response to your questions Mark, yes the wife was shopping, and I met up with her after an hour or so. In the John Lewis toilet, the guy was still there when I started going - I was only about 8-10 seconds behind him on entering the facility and as he went for the middle urinal of the 3 it was quite a challenge but I had a good level of urgency and just relaxed and let it flow.
The beer festival was good thanks. The toilets were quite small with 3 urinals, and I went in there and went at one of them no problem when it was empty, but the other 2 times I went there was someone at one of the urinals so fearing a misfire, I went in the cubicle with the door open loud and proud. As I said before, these are at the top of my hierarchy, so I will try and keep practising when the opportunity arises. Though as Colin emphasised on the workshop, there is nothing to be ashamed of by going door open loud and proud, I saw a few blokes doing this when I was at West Quay yesterday.
Thats right, the amount of men iv seen who opt for a cubicle with the door open as opposed to busy urinals is unreal! Its very normal behavour. Its also a good backup or failsafe when the urinals are occupied and you're feeling anxious.
