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I've had this problem on/off since before puberty when I couldn't go once in front of friends and someone started pointing and shouted it out to everyone else. Kids, eh! For this reason I think I get more anxiety about going with friends than anything else and will have to build up to this moment...
Paruresis has been really troubling me recently because my life has been going so well otherwise - I have a great wife and a baby son. But I already worry about how we're going to pee together! Work is going well and I was recently head-hunted by another company for promotion. One of the biggest factors in deciding whether to go was anxiety over what type of urinals they would have in their building!
I'm attacking this on two fronts...
1) Using the desensing ideas 2) Working on self-esteem and confidence
For the first, I'm joining a gym. The funny thing here is this time I'm going to be checking out the toilets to make sure they're not too private! The first challenge I've set myself is being able to go in a bowl with a stranger nearby (if not right beside me...) At the moment, I can usually go with someone in the room as long as they're not looking at me/talking to me... my most embarrassing moments with the condition have come when friends have stayed back by the urinals after finishing to chat and I haven't been able to start!
The other thing I'm hoping to do plenty of at the gym is showering/changing in public. I'm the sort of person who would normally go to the gym ready changed then shower back at home, but I'm hoping that by getting it all out I may make some improvements in terms of body shyness. Don't know if this will help, but it's worth giving it a whirl!
2) I've got Paul Mckenna's book to read. I know hynotherapy isn't a sure thing at all but I figured again, why not give it a try. The book comes with a CD which I'm going to try to listen to a couple of times a week. On Amazon, a few people reported they had success from the book/CD with more serious anxiety issues (sweating/clammy hands just by being in public).
So that's it for now - good luck everyone, keep peeing!
good to hear your story. i joined a gym recently aswell but theres no urinals there that i can practise on unfortunately just one cubical.let us know how the cd and book go might be a good idea.
The encouraging thing is that you seem to be well organised. Tackling both desensing and self-confidence is good.
You said "The first challenge I've set myself is being able to go in a bowl with a stranger nearby (if not right beside me...)" The point of desensing is to start at a safe level, and then by small steps to up the ante. When you get comfortable at the new level, the next step should contain the same little bit of anxiety as the first step did.
A friend staying to chat. Remember that this is mainly politeness; he would feel it rude to walk out, but also does not necessarily want to hang around in a toilet. So you let him off the hook by saying something like: "dont wait for me, I'll catch you up." "dont wait for me, go get the drinks in, I'll catch you up."
Paul McKenna: anything that increases self-cpnfidence is useful in this game.