U.K. PARURESIS TRUST

UK paruresis trust

This Discussion Board is for men who find it difficult or impossible to urinate in a public or social situation. Women should use the women's Board.
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Just Starting - My story so far...

Posted by Geoff P on 16/1/2009, 11:35 am

Hi,
My name is Geoff. I'm 53 and have suffered with this all my life. I've only just discovered that it even has a name, and that there is hope of getting over it! It all started for me as a child. My Dad never took me to the toilet, even at home. It was always my Mum, so whenever we were out, it was always to the Ladies and, of course, a cubicle. In fact, there was always this unspoken attitude that having to go at all was something you didn't talk about and you certainly never let anyone see you do.
I was not allowed to play with other children either. The first time I remember mixing at all was my first day at nursery school when I was 4. I was terrified. The first time I came accross a urinal was at primary school a year later. I never used it.
To be able to go, I have to be alone. For instance, My wife and I do a lot of walking. This means using trees or bushes etc. I'm ok as long as she cannot see or hear me. If we are out with friends, I have to be completely hidden from them. But, often, just having others know what I am doing is enough to freeze me up, even though I can't be seen.
I would be a great help to hear from anyone with the same sort of history. We could encourage one another and see some success!

Re: Just Starting - My story so far...

Posted by Pete on 16/1/2009, 10:02 pm, in reply to "Just Starting - My story so far..."

Hi Geoff, Just read your message and have every sympathy as I have a similar, and longer, history in many ways. Read my posting made on this site nearly a year ago (o8/02/08) and reply if you wish. Pete.

Re: Just Starting - My story so far...

Posted by Raymond on 16/1/2009, 10:54 pm, in reply to "Re: Just Starting - My story so far..."

Hi GeoffI can sympathise completely, my story is quite similar to yours. There was a time when I could hardly go in my own home even when no-one else was in the house. Now things are a lot better and I am using urinals even when they are quite busy so long as there is a divider. The key to this is to attend a beginners workshop. It is invaluable because the leaders will tell you all that you need to know to be able to manage this situation, and believe me - it can really work. Give it a go? It may transform your life.

Hope this helps.

Cheers,

Raymond.

Re: Just Starting - My story so far...

Posted by Pete on 17/1/2009, 2:26 pm, in reply to "Re: Just Starting - My story so far..."

Hi Geoff, Change of attitude is the key and it begins with finding this site and realising that you are only one of many sufferers. My next move was to read Stephen Soifer's book - invaluable, I'd say. I went on to tell other people until I became comfortable talking about it - even enjoying it! The book has an excellent chapter on this and I showed it to people as an introduction. Then came the first Workshop - you MUST try one - followed by a second. Apart from any practical improvement they bring, the psychological impact of actually meeting and talking to other guys who are also struggling is wonderful. All the time my attitude was becoming more positive until I can now say that although I am not completely "cured", my life is no longer being controlled and ruined by this demon. Also I have had the good fortune to have met on this site a fellow paruretic who has been in e-mail contact with me constantly and offering invaluable support, advice and encouragement. If you can find such a contact, don't hesitate to follow it up and , better still, find someone in your area who is willing to de-sense with you. I've not been able to do that myself, although I would have liked to, so I persevere by myself, as you are doing. Keep it up, and good luck. Pete.

Re: Just Starting - My story so far...

Posted by Geoff P on 18/1/2009, 3:56 pm, in reply to "Re: Just Starting - My story so far..."

Hi Pete,
Thanks for the encouragement. I had another success at the same loo today!
Unfortunately, it's not practical for me to get to a meeting, but the idea of finding a fellow sufferer in my area is very appealng.
Cheers,
Geoff.

Re: Just Starting - My story so far...

Posted by Pete on 18/1/2009, 9:49 pm, in reply to "Re: Just Starting - My story so far..."

Excellent - success breeds success so keep up the good work. It would help if you are willing to say roughly where you are - then something could possibly be arranged. Pete.

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